mood: kill, eat, sleep

episode 2: crushes are the epitome of a satan april's fools joke

hello my little baguettes, i am back with a story time. kinda. so you saw my title and for those of you having crushes now would go all jittery because that man just came up in your mind.

you might have fantasies of you guys marrying each other and having kids, also a dog. if you're a cat person, get away from me.

i am kidding. i love cats too.

i basically live like one. curls up in a ball every time, hates everybody and yells for food.

i do not shit in a box. unless you think the bathroom is a box with a well, toilet in it. then yeah i shit in a box to i am practically a cat.

so yeah back to the topic. and of course having a crush gives you meaning in life. it motivates you to somehow get out of your bed and go to work/school just to see them.

it makes you want to look good, for them.

it also gives you a lifetime memories of embarrassment and awkward moments for you to think back and relive it while you are staring at the ceiling.

i do not have a crush now but i had one that ended just last year. it started when i just got in secondary school, so i was like thirteen. (for those who have a different school system, i am guessing, uhh junior high? yeah i was in junior high) and everybody was new. we made friends, i had some surprisingly and life went on.

until one day, after 3 months had passed, there was a new guy.

i don't know about you but we treated new students like they're zoo animals. we got fascinated by every one of them (well at least i was) and my class practically stops talking because first of all, hmm okay uh how do i say this without exposing myself?

okay you know what fuck it, i don't like him anymore so yeah.

he was a white guy. you might think, uh so? my school did not rain white boys and they were the minority in this school and in my country.

he was this geeky guy, nothing special.

he was eh okay, we talked a little here and there and  i realised that the only thing we had in common was reading. i fucking loved percy jackson, any percy jackson fans here?

actually the real question is is anybody here?

god.

i am pathetic.

so we started talking and i don't know when i started liking him, and if i was not wrong i think it was like the day when uh my friends and i were bored during class and like i started throwing everything i had in my pencil case at them. they took it and held my stuff captive.

they tossed it among themselves, mocking by laughing at my stupidity. i got annoyed and of course thirteen year old me thought, "maybe i should throw more pencils?" fuck i was so stupid.

still am by the way.

i am growing don't judge me.

then i realised i ran out of ammo and started begging them to give some back. while they were throwing at each other, i think he intercepted and got some back for me. so we ganged up against my friends and started world war 2.5. it wasn't that serious calm down.

i think that was when i liked him?

i don't really remember it so yeah.

he continued talking to me and then just like the bomb on hiroshima my feelings exploded.

now thinking about it, i find myself dumb and naive.

god, if i could slap my younger self, i would. 

many people knew about it. god, i bet if he reads this, he'd be shaking his head going, "i knew it all along."

i think the second person i told was one of my guy friends and that asshole told him. i knOw! this snitch did get his stitch, i whacked him hard.

i got a little annoyed, but kinda brushed it off because he didn't change the way he behaved towards me so cool, cool, cool, i didn't google : places to bury a body that day so yeah.

it was insane, i thought this stupid crush thing was going to end after weeks or maybe at most two months? nOpe. i was so wrong.

spoiler: it lasted for 3 fucking years.

oh how i've wasted my time. god is looking down at me in disbelief right now. i do not blame him. i would do the same.

this is honestly how i feel right now. also maybe my ancestors and like everybody around me. but it was quite a journey man. there was a point where i didn't like him and then got stupidly jealous of some people because of him but heck because of this stupid crush, it showed me stuff i didn't think i would notice.

and that is a story for the next episode.

peace out my little baguettes