Writings of a half-way

This book is just for fun. So keep in mind that this is mostly fiction.

I had a tough time growing up as a child. But hell, who didn't? My mom was a drunk for most of my young child hood. It doesn't really help your mental status with something like that. I have went through a lot of couselors in my day, mostly ending with me telling them to shove there foot so far up their as that they can taste it. God, I hated those bastards. If they weren't trying to suck you in by saying that your whole life is wrong, they're going off about telling them that you kicked some kids ass at school. "Did you think about your actions?" They'd say, and i'd normally reply back with a "No, if I would have thought about my actions, I would make sure that they never stood back up." Fuck those assholes. They cause more problems than they fix.

My memories of school would probably have been better if I wasn't such a fat fuck. But I never wanted to be like those little bastards that ran around with their hair greased back like  they just came out of their mothers' vaginas. How much hair gel do you fucking need? Anyways, yeah, I was the fat kid in school that many people loved to fuck with. But fuck with me and you were asking for trouble. Haha, this one time a kid made fun of me for how I looked, so I broke his fucking nose. That'll teach 'em!

I didn't have many friends. As you can probably infer that I was a mean little bastard. I didn't give a fuck about anybody. I also want to point out that my girlfriend is probably reading this right now. Hey baby, I dont want you reading this. Yeah it is just for laughs but it is also quite, how do I put this, not politicly correct. Okay so stop reading now, going back to the fun.

So there was this one old lunch lady, a real bitch she was. "You have to take this food, it's good for you." She'd say in her old bitchy voice. I'd reply with something like "Fuck you, you old hag! Why dont you crawl back in the sewer where your mom laid your egg?!" Fuck them. If they wanted me to be nice they would stop the kids from teasing me, instead of looking the other way because the kids parents were filthy rich. Fuck them all I say!

So I guess that you've probably noticed by now that I got sent to the principals office alot. Boy, he was a real buzz kill. He'd look down at me with his wee beady eyes as he gave me a suspension. "You are not to come back to school for 5 days!" He'd say like he had some kind of power over me. I'd reply with a "Fuck you, dick wad! I'd rather sit at home and play with my cock then to listen to this one!" Usually getting me suspended for longer. Fuck it. Do you think I gave a fuck? Cause I didn't. I'd pull out my smokes and light one up in front of him as I cursed him out with every phrase in the book.

Then comes the girlfriend's in my later years. Yeah I was fat, but I also had that sense of humor that most girls loved. So I was dating this one bitch, her name was Haley, or some shit like that. I remember sitting on the playground in the 4th grade while she's giving me a lap-dance as I smoked a joint. God, she was a fucking slut.

Then came this Tiffany girl. She had that kind of horse face that you just wanted to punch to see if it would fix it. But dont get the wrong idea about me. I love women, and would never hurt one, unless she was into the kinky shit. Anyways this girl used to call me up and play her guitar to me. And god, did it sound awful. Sometimes I wondered if she was playing a guitar, or playing her pubes. But of course I told her it sounded good, hoping to get into her pants. Which by the way, never happened.

Well now I have a wonderful girlfriend that I love with all my heart. Her name is Christine. Now that's one thing about this story that's actually true. Well anyways, for the people out there that find my crude humor funny, let's get on with the show.

How about we talk about the first time I tried pot? Well even if you dont want to hear about it you can fuck off because im talking about it. So me and my friend's were hanging out down by an old creek when one of them pulled out a joint, let it up, and started passing it around. At the time I really didn't give a fuck about that shit with people saying that marijuana kills, it is actually a very helpful drug and should be legalized, just my opinion. Anyways when the joint got to me I took it and took a huge hit off it. Oh my god! I loved this shit! I passed it back around when the effects started hitting me. It seemed like my voice was being portrayed through speakers above my head. I started getting this feeling that I could fly and felt so weightless. Anyways yeah, that was my first pot experience. Moving on!