Help Line

seventeen

Incessant knocking at the door was what woke Emily the next morning.

It was difficult for her to open her heavy eyes after a night of crying; she knew, without looking in a mirror, that she looked like shit. She felt like shit.

For a moment, she lay in bed and didn't make any move to answer the door. Maybe the person on the other side would leave. But the knocking started up again, making Emily groan in annoyance as she forced herself to get out of bed. Her roommate was sleeping like a baby in her own bed, not bothered by the continuous sound. Lucky her.

Dragging her feet across the carpeted ground, Emily reached the door and ripped it open, a scowl pulling down the corners of her lips. However, upon seeing who was in front of her, her face morphed into an expression of surprise.

Levi stood, looking just as surprised as her. His fist was poised in the air, as if he had been about to knock on the door. Slowly, he let his hand drop.

"Levi? What are you doing here? And how did you find my room?" Emily asked groggily as she tried to fix her bed hair, to no avail.

He stayed silent for a moment before clearing his throat. "Phoebe told me which room you're in. I, uh, got a little worried when you didn't answer your phone. After seeing how you were when Michael dropped you off, I wanted to make sure everything was alright..." He trailed off, ducking his head sheepishly.

Upon hearing this, any grogginess plaguing Emily's body evaporated. After talking to her mom, she had immediately went to bed and hid under the sheets, throwing her phone carelessly onto her desk. She hadn't realized Levi was going to call to check up on her. The fact that he cared enough to do that made her feel...nice.

"Oh. Sorry. I went to bed early," Emily said after too many minutes of silence passed between them. Like Levi, she ducked her head and looked down at the ground, not wanting him to see anymore of her puffy eyes.

Levi cleared his throat again. "So, everything's alright?" he asked hesitantly.

All Emily could manage was a sharp nod. "Yeah, everything's fine. I just didn't feel good yesterday. Probably a bug going around," she mumbled, still refusing to look up at him.

He stayed silent for a couple seconds before sighing. "Emily." He said her name gently, and she knew what was going to come next.

She glanced up at him, shaking her head. "I don't want to hear it, Levi," she stated sharply in a tone of finality.

It was too early in the morning to deal with this. She went to close the door, but Levi quickly blocked the doorway with his foot, preventing her from shutting him out.

Emily's cheeks heated up in anger as she swung the door open to glare at his foot and then at him. He didn't seem affected by her harsh look, only lifting his chin up in defiance.

"I'm going to keep saying it until you get help. I saw how you acted last night. I know you cried for a long time after that dinner. You don't deserve to live like this. You deserve to be happy," he said.

Emily sneered, unable to help herself yet hating herself for treating Levi like this. He just wanted to help her, and some part of her wanted his help. The promise of a better life where she didn't have to count her calories and exercise to the point of exhaustion was appealing.

But the other part of her wanted to continue with what she was doing, even though she was hurting herself. The idea of having the perfect body, of finally fitting in to society's idea of beauty, made her greedy with desire. She's lived like this for months, and now it was familiar and safe. As sick as it was, Emily always felt a rush of pride every time she could decline food on an empty stomach. It was like the high one would experience from drugs. It was a feeling so euphoric and addictive, that Emily couldn't resist the temptation of restricting herself over and over again. It was the only aspect of her life that she could control so well, and she would be damned if she let anyone take away this control from her.

"I can handle this myself," Emily said, though the waver in her voice stated otherwise. Levi didn't seem to believe her either, raising an eyebrow at her.

The truth was, she was scared. Levi had barged into her life so suddenly and now, he was threatening the stability of her life. She didn't know what she wanted or what to do. All she knew was that she was scared of how drastically her life would change if she got help.

She was absolutely terrified.

That revelation alone made tears well up in her eyes, a repeat of last night. She clenched her jaw tightly, hating how weak and vulnerable she felt. Levi blinked, surprised and unsure of what to do, as Emily looked away, glaring at the doorframe as she wiped at her tears. She wanted desperately to stop crying, but the tears kept on coming.

Emily stiffened as she felt Levi step closer to her and then pull her into a hesitant hug.

His action was the last straw. She started to cry harder; the tears were streaking down her cheeks rapidly, and her shoulders shook harshly as ugly sobs escaped her. She clutched Levi's shirt tightly as she continued to cry, and he dutifully allowed her to let her frustration out and continued to hold her in a comforting embrace.

Emily had thought she had finally hit rock bottom last night, but what she was feeling and thinking now proved otherwise. She was exhausted, both mentally and physically. She was hurting everywhere, and the pain was ringing loudly in her head. She felt dead even though she was still breathing and walking and existing.

Levi wanted her to get help, but how are you supposed to fix someone as broken as her?

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This is by far the longest chapter I've posted in this book. I hope you guys enjoyed reading this chapter!