Monster of your own mind

The dreaded exam

With my GCSE approaching it once again was back. I didn't want to fight it. I didn't have the energy. I was able to have a counsellor it help a little as it was someone I could tell anything to and she wouldn't judge me nor say anything bad. I tried to talk to my foster carers and sometime still do. Whenever I would say I didn't feel well they were just like you never feel well and I know I don't. It just made it harder to talk to them about it so I stopped and only told them when I was sick. Those time where really hard as I was petrified of what was going to be said as at time they tend to say the wrong things. Once my exam were happening I didn't have a choice but to focus I still have the sickness as it was bad at time. However unfortunately someone close fell sick and was in hospital and I was able to stop my self so no one would worry about me I didn't want to eat but forced myself at home and at school my friend made me eat. In exam when the sickness was strong I struggle to focus so I started to dig my nails in my legs as the physical pain took away from the mental pain and it's not something I like to admit at all. It was the only way. Thankful the person in hospital got better so the pressure was of me. Once or twice I went out of an exam and was sick it didn't help. My sickness no longer made me feel better in theses cases it made me feel guilty for everyone trying to help me. I should be 'free' now but it's changed me. This is how I have both lost and gain control of the monster in my mind.