Project Oxygen

final note

          I don't think you need me to tell you this book was my favorite thing to write.

          I don't even know how this book began, truly, but I know the premise was completely different, and so was part of the cast. Rhiannon, for example, was played by Antonina Vasylchenko and Isla was played by Bianca Santos. Jude started off as Julian Morris, then Matthew Daddario, then Julian Morris again BECAUSE I LOVE HIM AND AM BITTER OVER WREN, so Julian stayed. I'm pretty satisfied with my current casting choices, so I'm glad I made all the changes I did.

          The first cover I made for this was . . . not good. I can't find it on my computer anymore, so maybe past!me had the decency to repress it and fully delete it, but I'm also glad I made PO and CF matching, prettier covers. 

          I also made some graphics for this book that ended up not being used because I didn't really have a place to use them. They're also incredibly outdated, like a particular one I have, as Rhiannon was twenty-one at the beginning of the book, not twenty; they were sort of . . . character files, with their photos, a note saying which of the professors had chosen them as a participant, and a piece of paper with their name, age and major. No biggie. I also don't want to show that because I'm not proud of them, but I promise you they exist.

          This was when I already knew I wanted this book to be about a Psychology experiment. I'm not particularly interested in following the investigation path myself, but I sure love reading about it, and decided to take my favorite concepts in all of Social Psychology and write an experiment about it. My original plan was to focus more on the experiment itself, but I felt like I don't have nearly enough experience with them and didn't really want to ruin this experience, both for you and for me, so I took it down a notch.

          I was . . . too ambitious at first, I'll have to admit. I wanted this to be formatted like HTGAWM, as in with a scene from The Day at the end, while the rest of the chapter was just about what had happened x amount of time before it, but ended up scrapping that idea because I was a) doing two books for Nano; b) November is the busiest month of my first semester in college and c) I definitely didn't have the cognitive resources to pull that off at that point. Thus, I decided it was a lot easier to split the book in two parts: before and after Rhiannon saw X at the bottom of the stairs.

SOME OF MY DECISIONS EXPLAINED, OR WHATEVER. NAMES WERE OMITTED 

          LOOK, I DON'T KNOW.

          One of the major plot points I had settled on was that X was the one dying and how it'd happen, since the book revolves around it, especially part two. The other point was Rhiannon's . . . situation in chapter 35. It's still not clear why the gun went off, even though we know the trigger was accidentally pulled, and I'm not sure if Y can be charged for it, even with all the statements. There is, however, a whole bunch of nasty stuff they can and will be charged for.

          Y being the one who did it didn't come to me right away. At first, I wanted them to be a pivotal part in the investigation, but then changed my mind to honor their namesake and turned them into a pivotal part of the mystery itself. 

          That's when I conveniently chose that song as the soundtrack of CF's trailer and when I decided I'd include the song in one of the playlists for this book in hopes someone would say something about it. Besides, the thing about Them was mentioned super early on the book, even though it was treated as a joke (which shouldn't be, especially in real life or when Ross Geller is involved), and I really, really, really expected someone to grab me by the shoulders and tell me how obvious it all was.

          Muse's Stockholm Syndrome, which was part of part one's soundtrack, also provided a major hint about who would end up snapping and killing X. It pointed to their relationship, at least from Y's point of view, since it was never reciprocal, and to Taylor's role in all of it ("yeah, she had a name").

          I'm just hoping the ending was good for you. As I wrote it, as I wrote every critical moment that led to that final reveal, I kept hoping it wouldn't seem rushed, I kept hoping it would make sense in the end. I sincerely hope I succeeded.

WHERE ARE THEY NOW?

          I have no idea.

          I know Isla eventually leaves for that NASA internship in D.C. (which is a real thing) and Roman goes back to London, but that's about it. I haven't really given it a lot of thought since I just finished this book and CF still has four chapters and an epilogue to go at the time I'm writing this note, so you'll still see some of these guys there, especially Rhiannon.

          With that being said, I like to think Jude and Rhiannon stay in London with Roman for a while after graduation. They need time away from Vofield and from their families' drama (while definitely being in touch with the Sargents) before coming back for Ezra's wedding and to plan their own wedding, because you know Samantha just won't let them stay away forever and throw the party on the other side of the Atlantic.

          Anyway.

          I think everyone needs to stay in therapy for a while, some more than others, as what happened to them is not something just a few mandatory sessions will help ease (this sentence is horribly constructed, I apologize). Rhiannon keeps attending her therapy sessions through Skype after she leaves.

          The thing with her mother was left open on purpose. Rhiannon never made a decision regarding whether she wants to reconnect or not, so you're obviously free to speculate what happened afterwards, but, if you want to know my opinion, I don't think it's something that will take a short time. Most of Rhiannon's identity was built around the way she was treated by her parents, like I explained on one of the later chapters, and it takes a lot of cognitive work to tear all those foundations down and built new, stronger ones; that's not to say she doesn't have positive aspects because she absolutely does, that's not to say good things didn't come out of her stepping away from her family because they did.

          (Besides, I got caught up in Rhowan, whatever they are or whatever they might be in the future, and I don't want to write stuff here that might contradict the CF epilogue.)

ACKNOWLEDGMENTS

          I've said this before and I'll say it again: I don't like this part because I always forget people, so I don't want to single out anyone and make others feel ignored, or something, so I'd just like to thank you all for staying by my side from start to finish. Working on this book was super fun, even though this was one of the busiest years for me and there were times when all I wanted to do was stop writing this thing, but I still did it. I couldn't have done it without your support, so thank you thank you thank you.

          I don't think I'm forgetting anything, but, if I am, feel free to yell at me NICELY. See you on the other side.