I’m standing there on a bridge that runs over the river cuts through the middle of a field that once belonged to a farmer who planted corn, but he moved away long ago. Now the entire plot of land belongs to the animals that live on it.
In the winter the river is becomes frozen over with ice. This happens every year, and the ice lasts until the middle of February. Right now it is only the beginning of January, which means that the New Year has started. For many a new year means a new start; a fresh beginning. Then there are the select people who want it to be a better year, but with their luck it turns out to be a dud. I happen to be one of those people.
I come down to the river often, skates in hand, ready to let my mind wander and hope for the best. I let my mind wander off and admire the natural beauty that surrounds me. Perhaps if I was not thinking negative thoughts then things would work out and my life would be pleasant.
That was days and weeks ago though, many days have passed since then and I don’t want to be alive. There is too much that had happened to where it feels like nothing is worth living for. Many people would disagree, but I just stand my ground and refuse to hear them out. That is me being stubborn and letting my own thoughts take over.
There have been times when I tried to think like them, think positive and try to see the light at the end of the tunnel. A few times I was able to catch a glimpse at all of the good that is to come, but the good never came fast enough. When that happened I would step back and let my negative thoughts control me and then like some sort war, the positive thoughts would come back.
Not this time however, this time is different.
Shutting my steel gray eyes, I let my mind empty out so not much remains. After a short time, there is only one thought in my brain. This is a single thought that I never let myself think before.
I wish I was dead.
Before I know it a force is pulling down. I am not sure what it is, but it’s almost unreal. I am not quite sure if something supernatural is occurring right here, but it is something that is not done by humans hands.
Opening my eyes all I can see are blurs of color. The world around me is spinning out of control. I open my mouth to scream and hope that someone will hear me. I know that no one will. I am miles from where I live and even further away from the city. Only the tress and wildlife that can’t speak my language hear me cry out.
I continue to scream for what seems like forever. Then I hit the frozen river. Right away the wind is knocked right out of me. I gasp for air, but my lungs protest and burn like a million hot needles are poking my insides. I start to become dizzy from the lack of oxygen and I know that this is it. It has to be, for what else could there be?
I never believed in the state of limbo; the place between life and death. I know that some people believe in it, and often I will see limbo used and mentioned in shows and movies. The only reason they use limbo is so that the character can continue to have a role, otherwise they would just kill off the character right then and there. Perhaps I am like one of those characters that die off and are never missed by the masses.
While I strain to get the crisp, cool air into my lungs, I stare at the clear blue sky above me. It is so picturesque; there is not a single cloud in the sky. The sun is a yellow orange ball of light that almost blinds me. On the ground, the snow is pure white and does not have a single blemish. It’s the kind of white that if you started at it long enough it could make your head ache.
A few seconds pass by and my eyelids start to close. I know that if I close my eyes it is all over. Of course isn’t that what I wanted? I wished for the end and now it is being granted.
Before I know it my eyes are shut and the darkness is wrapping its cold arms around me, holding me so tight that I could not even try to take in another breathe if I wanted too.
The type of darkness that is with me is different from the darkness that you see when you sleep; it’s the kind that won’t let you wake up. This, of course, only means one thing for me…
I’m dead.
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This was originally a prologue - that I edited some - for a story that I had an idea for, but the idea faded away and this was all that I had typed up besides another paragraph that was in the first chapter.
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Thanks for reading c:
