let me take you down || McLennon

Chapter 4

John and Paul had spent their day at the library, reading books and drinking earl grey tea. Paul had enjoyed the quietness a lot, as the days before had been exhausting and very stressful. Being here with John, almost nobody else around, and reading his favourite books snuggled up into a blanket on one of the comfortable sofas - it had been perfect. John had let him sleep for a little while, smiling when Paul had started to snore softely.

Now the two of them were having dinner in the Cafeteria and Paul noticed how hungry he was. His breakfast hadn't been too much and the tea in the library had only increased the urgency to go to the loo, but hadn't helped him with his hunger. Paul put some more mashed potatoes on his plate and went back to his and John's table, where the older man was already waiting for him. Paul frowned slightly when he noticed the meat on his dom's plate.

John smiled at him when he sat down and Paul blushed. Why the hell did he blush?? John had smiled at him a lot! It must be the hunger, he thought and sat down, waiting for John's allowence to eat. 

The food tasted as good as always and Paul somehow hated the fact, that he had no reason to hate this place. None at all. John was nice and his room was nice and the food was nice and the campus was nice. The whole goddamned thing was too nice, to fucking good to hate it.

"Hey Paul, are you okay? Is your food not tasting good?", John asked, his tone slightly worried. Paul shook his head and said he was fine, but he knew John wouldn't buy it. His dom was good at reading him, even if two days ago they hadn't known each other.

When they were done with the food, John wanted to go back to the room, and so they did. Paul was still quiet, not saying much, and mostly looking at the floor in front of him. John felt the sudden urge to hold him close, to tell him that he would look out for him and be kind to him and that everything was going to be okay, but they weren't close enough for anything like that, and so he only took Paul's hand, something the other man seemed to like. He squeezed his sub's hand slightly and smiled when he felt Paul very shyly and hesitant squeeze back.

When they were in their room, John thought about the spanking. He knew if he wouldn't do it he would be inconsequent, but he also knew Paul was not really comfortable with their relationship yet. So maybe he shouldn't spank him. He could do something physical, just to get closer to Paul and to show him that there was nothing he had to be afraid of. Yes, that was the best solution.

"Hey Paul? About your punishment for your behaviour this morning - I am not going to do anything. I think you know what your mistake was, so a spanking is not needed, okay? I expect you to be on your best behaviour, though," he said and Paul seemed a little happier and very relieved. John hadn't noticed that Paul had...he had almost been afraid of this punishment.

"Thank you, John. I appreciate that. And I will not do something like that again, I promise," Paul answered, his tone polite. Too polite. Paul wasn't relaxed, he was tense and he was afraid of John. His face wasn't exactly sad or angry, it was just...controlled. Except for his eyes, they were wild and not at all obedient. To John it looked like there was a storm inside of Paul, and not the kind of storm that makes people write poems. It was the kind that destroyed their minds.

"Come here, Paulie," John spoke softly and the younger man obeyed immediately. John patted the spot next to him on the bed and Paul sat down, careful not to touch John's arm with his own. But the dom placed his fingers on Paul's cheek, making him look at him.

John looked at this beautiful, hurt face with the deep hazel eyes that spoke louder to him than those full lips ever would. He leaned his forehead against Paul's, feeling the younger man tense, as his breath caressed his face.

"I am never going to hurt you, Paul. I want you to know that. As long as you're with me, nothing will hurt you. Please don't be afraid of me," he whispered and Paul closed his eyes, wanting to keep John and his far too understanding and caring words out.

Suddenly John felt a wave of something warm in his chest and he closed the gap between their lips. Now they're was no layer between them, no cloth, no nothing. Just skin on skin, ice on fire. He felt like something fell into place, something deep within him.

Paul felt those thin lips caressing his and he shuddered. This was good, this was warm and safe and secure. He had needed this. The touch of someone who cared, who cared about that he wanted to become a rockstar or at least go to university and that he wanted to smoke and laugh and make dirty jokes and punch John in the shoulder and be cheeky. All the things he was not allowed to, and John cared.

They parted again and John's heart fluttered slightly when he noticed the smile on Paul's face.

"I like you, John. Thank you for that," the younger man whispered and blushed and John couldn't help but kiss him again. How was he so lucky to have this angel? In this moment he was sure, that this was right and meant to be.

John let go of Paul again, but continued to look at him. Paul felt slightly uncomfortable under this intense stare, but he knew John didn't do it in some twisted, perverted way, but only because he liked Paul. And somehow that made Paul feel good, because who had ever liked him? His parents thought he was a disappointment,  because he didn't live up to his role as a sub. His brother liked him, sure, but he wasn't really interested in doing something with Paul.

Maybe Jane had liked him. Paul and her had been friends when they were younger. They used to walk around and explore nature and watch birds they had never seen before. Or they had built their own little tent out of sticks and branches. It had been nice to have a friend who was like him, but all that had ended, when Jane had been married at the age of 13. Paul had never seen her again after that, he didn't even know if she was okay.

"A penny for your thoughts," John whispered and Paul looked up.

"I was just thinking about this friend I had. She was a sub, too. We were really close, you know? But their parents arranged a marriage and then she was just gone. Before I knew I was gay and a sub, I always thought I would marry her. Not because I was in love with her, but simply because we'd both be happy. Now she's gone with some asshole and I don't even know if he treats her right," Paul explained and suddenly he felt tears burning in his eyes.

John was touched by Paul's story and when he noticed the tears in Paul's eyes, he pulled him a little closer, until Paul's face was buried in his chest. The younger man tried to hold his sobs back, but John stroked his hair and whispered: "let it all out, Paul. Let all this shit out."

And Paul started sobbing, because this wasn't the life he wanted to have. He wanted to be with Jane and be in the woods again. He wanted children. He wanted a dog and he wanted to smoke pot and drink until he passed out and he wanted to do whatever the fuck he wanted to. But he couldn't, so all that was left, was crying in the arms of the only one who cared.

After some time Paul calmed down again, and John smiled sadly at him.

"I hope you feel a little better now, Paulie. Do you want to go to bed?" Paul nodded and John got up, bringing the younger man his pyjamas. They changed quickly and then John pulled the covers over them. It was dark by now, and Paul could only see John's silhouette and eyes, reflecting the light of the moon. They were huge and open and worried and Paul liked them. They were warm. Caring. Nobody had looked at him like that in a long time.

So Paul did the one thing he had been afraid of only hours ago. He pressed his lips to John's and felt the older man's arms wrap around him, holding  him safe and close. They fell asleep like that, lips almost touching, bodies wrapped around each other in a haze of loneliness and longing for human touch.

A/N: sorry if there are any typos, I'll correct them later! Leave a comment if you liked it♡