Part 4: mask

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How do you go from happy to sad in a matter of seconds?

That is always a question I ask myself. I've never been able to answer it with anything besides the obvious--depression.

It takes a toll on your mind, body, and soul. It starts to make you physically sick and emotionally unstable. There's not much you can do except try to get better.

The random times where I start to tear up from the overflowing thoughts that frequently run through my mind. It all starts to weigh down on me every. single. day.

I know I'm not getting better at all. I feel it just as much as I can see it.

It sucks even more when you know the people you love most know how unhappy and depressed you are. They try to help you when it's too late; you've already fallen into a hole that's too deep to climb out of.

I smile through it all though. Masking pain is easy. Easier than you can believe.

It's the anger though. The anger that sometimes gets the best of me. No, I don't physically or emotionally hurt anybody. I don't have that in me nor will I ever. I sometimes verbally take it out on the wrong people or even the right people in most cases. It's just the fact that I let it build up over a decade and here I am now at the lowest point of my life so far.

How am I supposed to get better when I don't know how to move on?

••••

June 24, 2018

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⏰ Last updated: Jul 09, 2018 ⏰

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