In Albuquerque they break the bed.
In Busan, Arthur kneejerks so hard when Eames goes down on him he kicks a hole through the wall.
In Milan, Eames accidentally breaks a $500 vase in the penthouse suite when he flings Arthur's waistcoat a little too enthusiastically. Oops.
Louyang: Arthur curses so loud they get kicked out of their hotel, and Yamagata is a total waste because they ruin all the rugs. (Don't ask.)
In Seravalle, the staff finds a used condom flung under the desk where Eames' aim was a little off, and refuses to clean the room. After that, it's just more sensible to stop using condoms. But then Uttar Pradesh finds Eames without one and without Arthur, and he kind of makes a mess of the suite he's using as a result of skyping with Arthur a bit too enthusiastically.
"It'd be nice to do this on a bed that's not potentially harboring a dead body in the mattress," Arthur says too casually three weeks later.
"Arthur, every bed is a potential corpse-haven," Eames points out, but then Arthur shuts him up but good and Eames thinks no more of it.
Except then in Teresina the walls are thin and the neighbors complain, and Arthur huffs the little exasperated huff Eames loves, and announces:
"We are moving in together."
"We are?" says Eames.
"Yes," says Arthur grimly.
"Are we living in Brazil, then?" says Eames.
"Wherever," says Arthur with a handwave of impatience. "This is stupid. We can do half our jobs from one location. The other half, well--"
"Arthur," says Eames, getting it. " Arthur ." Arthur suddenly looks a bit sheepish.
"It's not settling down," he says. "Just saving on the hotel bills." He looks up at Eames through his eyelashes, then scowls and looks away.
"Arthur," says Eames. "I will happily not settle down with you anywhere on earth."
________
(Their house depreciates in value in record time. Their agent is appalled. Eames and Arthur aren't.)
