SOTUS S: Prem and Wad

Chapter Eight

The knock on the door was surprising. Prem hopped up from the couch, and called out as he made his way to the door, "You didn't have bring dinner again Knot, I can still feed myself—" his words died on his lips as he realized it wasn't Knot at the door.

Wad pushed at his chest, palms flat against him, and he shoved. Prem fell a few steps back, giving Wad entrance to his apartment; a place Wad used to call home.

"What the fuck, Prem?" He combed a hand through his greasy hair. Prem knew he must have been stressed, making the oils from his hands muss up his hair. "You don't have any right, Prem. You can't just text me stuff like that!" Prem's throat burned, like bile was crawling up his windpipe.

"I don't have a right?" He shouted. "I have every right!" He didn't want to get angry, but his skin felt too hot and Wad was right there.

"No you don't! Do you know how much it hurt to leave? You can't keep this dragging on—"

"What?"

"I had to leave, Prem!" Wad screamed at him, like it would suddenly just explain everything.

"So fucking what? I fucking love you and you left without a real explanation. You didn't answer my calls or texts and I— I don't want to drag this on any more than you," he spat, "that's why I asked. I need closure." Wad was quiet, staring with his mouth half open.

"You said love. You still love me?" Wad said with a wet voice. Prem laughed humorlessly.

"Yeah. Yeah, you think disappearing is going to make me stop loving you all of a sudden?" Wad let out a choked sob, Prem's face furrowed in worry. "Wad please. Just tell me."

"I never stopped loving you either. I just thought... I just thought it would be easier to leave if we weren't together anymore. I had to leave Prem, I had to," he repeated. "I didn't want to hurt you more than necessary." Prem couldn't breathe. He couldn't process. "I... I was insecure! I thought you wouldn't want long distance so I just—" Prem cut him off with a shove of his own, sending Wad back a foot.

"Why do you get the right to decide what I want? How... how could you think I wouldn't want to work it out? All those conversations about the future meant nothing to you?" Prem itched where the tears rolled down his cheeks.

"No, no, no," Wad started, fists clenching and unclenching by his sides. "Fuck. I fucked up Prem. I'm sorry. I'm fucking sorry. I thought I was making the right choice." Wad said, voice shaking. "I miss you, too. I'm sorry I didn't tell you before."

The room was quiet, only the sounds of their labored breath reached their ears. Too much yelling. Too explosive. Prem hated how they got there, but he wasn't lying. He was so in love with him still. They could talk. They could talk calmly about this. He ran a hand through his hair.

"Let's go sit down. Let's just... let's get on the same page." Wad nodded slowly and made his way to the kitchen. Prem closed his apartment door, cringing slightly at the possibility of his neighbors hearing his business.

But then he turned back around, Wad sitting, looking small, at the kitchen table. The pain in his chest was a dull ache. It hurt to see Wad like this. It hurt to see Wad, period.

"You know I'm not the most confident. I doubt myself. You made me think that I didn't have to worry, but that's when I was here. I thought the distance would be too hard, and I was already having enough anxiety about my dad being ill..." Wad hiccuped, his crying getting the best of him. Prem waited for him to continue, but he just brought his feet up onto the chair and buried his chin in between his knees instead.

"Okay," Prem started, " I can understand why you'd think that. But fuck, Wad, do I wish you talked to me." Wad nodded weakly. "And I'm sorry too. I'm sorry that I made you doubt you couldn't come to me. And I'm sorry I made you mad enough to come all the way here to yell at me," Prem said, sending a testing smile. Wad looked at him; he studied him for a moment. Prem felt like his face was on fire and he could just combust on the spot.

Wad smiled, too.

Prem reached out to take one of Wad's hands that was wrapped around his legs. He entwined their fingers, praying that Wad wouldn't rip it away. He didn't.

"I'm not saying it won't be hard, or that the same level of trust is still there but..." Prem said, gaze focused on their hands, "I want to try again. Can we try again?"

And then Wad kissed him. He kissed him and it tasted like tears and regret but also love. The love was familiar, and the ache in his chest didn't hurt anymore. Prem kissed him back, hard, because he like if he didn't, the world might crumble around him like it was all a dream.

He jumped when his phone blared that kpop song he liked a couple years ago. Wad laughed, that breathy laugh he has, and Prem turned to see who it was.

"Arthit?" He answered. "Everything okay?" Prem asked, voice edged with worry, since Arthit never called.

"I need you to do me a favor. Do you think you can order me something?" Prem rolled his eyes, making Wad laugh again.