From the time when I arrived at work- to 12:30, which is the time that we decided to get together, went by fairly fast. Unfortunately. The nerves were starting to kick in. In the very back of my mind I knew that I could still back out. Even after I arrived at the restaurant, as long as he didn't see me, I could easily just walk away. A bunch of nonsense is what these thoughts were. My 16 year old self would punch myself in the face if I conducted these thoughts then. Reverence laced with anxiety penetrated my thoughts as I tried to push to focus on my current priorities. My mind had been racing ever since I woke up this morning, making it impossible to concentrate on any of the work that I needed to get done. It was like the feeling of when your about to go to a concert to see you favorite people, or the anticipation for new music to drop from you faves, only this feeling was doing jumping-jacks while on crack. The feeling was also mixed with- you're about to get married (which I have never felt), or when you're about to get a ticket for major speeding.
This feeling was eating me up inside, I was about a hair fragment away from just not even going, and hoping that he never calls or sees me again. But also, how could I possibly not want this? Girls would literally kill for this opportunity. Opportunity for what? I have no idea, because it's not like our conversation could make any advances to anything like a date. I won't even for a split of a second let my thoughts consider that as an option. He's a fucking person for fucks sake, how bad or nerve racking could it be?
It was 12:15 and I decided that I'd better go ahead and leave for lunch to try and beat some of the traffic during this time.
"Bye Alex, I'm gonna go grab something for lunch." I say a little bit above my normal volume of speaking. "Why don't you take a break and go out for a bit too." I tell her
"Alright mind if I tag a long with you?" She ask causing me to immediately to reject her.
"Oh no- I mean yes, I do mind, sorry Al, I'm just gonna take care of some stuff while eating so there won't be any time to even talk." I respond. It coming out a little harsher than I intended it to. Shit.
"Oh, okay, it's cool girl, another time, I'll see you later I guess" she says coolly
"I'm really sorry girl I-I just have some stuff that I need to take care of." I say in a much softer tone, trying to rebound my previous remark. "How about we go out tonight? Dinner then clubbing?" I say trying to compromise
"Yeah that sounds great! We haven't been out in a while! See ya after lunch!" She thankfully accepts.
I don't feel like I should tell anyone about my lunch with Harry. Actually, I just don't want to tell anyone. Even my best friend. Yeah, I think it's good to have someone to tell everything to, but I also would like little things to be kept to myself. This: having this moment with Harry will be something special that I'll remember for the rest of my life. I didn't want to be even more stressed out than I already am about this lunch. I don't want to be pressured into answering questions about every detail of what it was like, or what it means or how it happened? If someone spots us and people start questioning us, then of course I'm not going to lie about having lunch with him, but I'm also not gonna go and scream to the world that I'm going to see Harry. I have more respect for myself and him to do that.
Despite the traffic that I had already gone through I hoping that it would drag even more since it was lunch hour. I couldn't tell if it was genuinely moving fast or if it only seemed like it was because of the fact that I was dreading the next hour or so.
My thoughts at this moment may come off ass it seeming like I don't want to meet up with Harry because I don't like him. But the truth is, I'm just so scared shitless, that I'm sure that I'll fuck this up. Yes, I have my priorities together, so you'd think I'd have my emotions together. I lack the confidence when it comes to foreign tasks. I don't really do lunches with people, especially not guys and most importantly not Harry Styles. So to say I was scared shitless at the moment is an understatement.
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Fanfiction"You've shut the whole world away from your true feelings. How can you portray as to not having feelings when you're showing me them right now?" "I hear the secrets that you keep, when you're talking in your sleep." The world was tough, but Sabrina...
