When I started to cut, it was around Christmas. I would never cut on my wrist because then I would get asked about it. When we went back to school, I started to cut my wrist, but not like deep, just enough for the pain and then it would go away. But, my friend started to notice these red marks on my wrist and she confronted me about it. I have already told you about this but I'm going to tell you the whole story now. I told her that I feel broken, that I feel like I will never be able to be happy again. She told me that the best way to get over something like this is to remember all of the good things in your life. Remember who your friends are. But it didn't help me. So I talked to someone who has depression. His name is going to be Jake. This was around the time of a play that I was in. I was miserable. He told me to put red lines on my arms every time I felt the urge. And when I look at those lines, to remember to not do it. It worked sometimes. But then My friend, let's call her Mick and L noticed the lines. They asked me about it and I told them that I have depression. A couple months later and I felt the urge to kill myself. I wanted it to be over. So I texted Mick saying that I love her and to tell everyone that I'm sorry. I didn't go through with it. I didn't go through with it Because I remembered everyone that I would leave behind. I remembered everyone who would be devastated. When I go to school that morning, I get called down to the principals office. It turns out that Mick told her mother about this and her mother told the principal. I wanted to be mad at her. I wanted to feel like I would never forgive her. But instead I felt like the weight was lifted off my shoulders. When I got back to class, I went up and hugged the shit out of her. No one knew what was going on, other than her. We hugged for a good five minutes. Then L comes over and hugged me to death, even though she didn't even know what the hell was going on.
They called my parents two days after and I was set up with a therapist.
Please just remember that there are things in life that might make us feel like it's just hell, but there are little specs of heaven everywhere, you just have to be around to experience them.
I love you guys.
~ Red
