My Sister's Keeper

17

A friend told me today that I sound "defeated" and "not okay". What do these terms mean? What does it mean to be not okay? What does it mean to be okay? "Okay" could mean that their heart just shattered into a million pieces and that they don't want to say anything because they know the other person won't care. "Okay" could mean that things aren't great, but they will get better. "Okay" could mean that they've been circling the drain so long that this has become their version of normal. Maybe they've accepted their defeat. Maybe they won't ever go where they want to go. Maybe they'll never escape the cycle. Maybe they'll never be happy. They accept being okay, whatever that means.  

She didn't know how much time had passed when she opened her eyes again. The room was still vacant, meaning Alex had taken the kids home. She loved them, of course, she did, but three kids under the age of ten in a tiny hospital room with nothing to do was painful for all of them. She'd had plenty of visitors, but none compared. This one had changed her life.

Her phone lit up from where it sat on the table. It was probably her person, but she couldn't move, not really, without waking up Cassie. She slowly took her arm off of Cassie's and grabbed her phone.

"Hi." She greeted.

"How's it going?" He asked, as though he hadn't been there a few hours earlier.

"It's going. I have a high schooler cuddled up to me right now. She's pretty cute, I have to admit."

"How long has she been there? It's almost ten. You should probably wake her up."

Is it bad she didn't want to? The girl looked peaceful. She didn't want to take that away. The girl's phone sat on the chair she'd been sitting in. The little light in the corner flickered profusely.

Cassie woke up from her nap, blinking away her sleep. She turned her head to look up at her aunt. She had had her face shoved in the side of her aunt's shoulder. It was like that spot was made for her. She didn't want to move.

Then it hit her.

"Mer." She coughed, clearing her throat. "What time is it?"

She moved the phone away from her ear. Her talking had woken up her niece. "Almost ten. Alex can come to pick you up and take you home if you want." She croaked, her voice still sore.

"Yeah. Okay." Cassie agreed, smoothing herself out and standing up from the bed, almost as if she needed to remind herself that her aunt was not someone she could cuddle with. Her aunt noticed this almost immediately and furrowed her brow.

"Cassie." She started. "What is wrong?"

Cassie turned back around, but not before taking a deep breath. "Nothing is wrong. I just... have some stuff to do at home. Homework. I need to do it."

Meredith nodded, not buying it. Something was up.

"I am going to go wait downstairs." She called back as she started to walk away, not even turning around to acknowledge Meredith's goodbye.

...

Meredith immediately texted Alex to tell him that something was up with Cassie and that he should try to find out what it was. Alex shrugged at this text. Maybe it was the fact that she had found out about her father? Where was Mer? La-la land? She was the queen of Daddy issues.

That probably made him the freaking king.

Cassie ran up to the car, holding her head down to avoid getting it wet in the rain. She didn't say hello, didn't acknowledge him as she buckled her seatbelt and changed the radio station. Alex rolled his eyes before turning the radio back down. He hadn't taken the car out of park yet.