I Love To Hate You

12

"You better not be fucking with me Kyle." I hiss pacing back and forth. I even started to bite my nails, my number one nervous habit. I can't believe he just kissed me. It made all my feelings that I've been trying to avoid admitting to everyone, including myself, appear and I cannot without a doubt avoid the fact that I have a major crush on Kyle Coldwater.

"Kayla it was just a kiss." He replies nonchalantly my heart dropped a little until I noticed the mischievous grin on his face. What an asshole. Now isn't the time to play with my feelings.

"Your an asshole. Like you couldn't just be normal for one second in your life and stop messing with me and tell me the truth. No you can't because your a freaking child. Childish ass mother-" I was cut off by Kyle kissing me again. I instantly shut up and kiss him back. I actually hate that he can affect me like this now.

"Wow I found out how to get you to stop ranting." He laughs and I hit him in the arm. Hard.

"Why can't you just be serious for one second?" I beg him throwing myself back on the couch. He moves to sit next to me and grabs my hand in his.

"I'm not fucking with you Kayla. I'm not sure what it is that I really feel but I know I can't stop thinking about your smile and how mean you can be, only to me for some reason." He rolls his eyes but continues "I've been feeling like this for a long time. Way before we started getting along of course I didn't admit that but being your friend I really started to notice that you aren't just some girl that I want to be friends with or some girl I want to just have sex with." He says and I smile. Could it have been more romantic? Yes. Did I expect anything else from Kyle? Hell no.

"Maybe we should just keep this between us.. I mean because I don't think neither of us are clear on our feelings." I say a little nervous. I was positively one hundred percent sure that I was attracted to Kyle and that I was feeling something for him but I didn't want to tell everyone and it immediately not work out and everyone be awkward about it. We already have a history of not getting along.

"Deal. Just until we understand what we both want." Kyle says smiling. I smile back.

"I should probably go." I say awkwardly walking towards the door. I didn't know if I should kiss him or just leave. Maybe a hug? I think I'm overthinking this.

"Bye Kayla." I hear him say as I close the door. I walk over to my house with a huge smile on my face.

———
"Wait so you've been seeing this girl for months, and you haven't told us? That hurts Madi." Hannah says holding her hand over her heart. We were all currently at Madi's house for our first sleepover since her confession at lunch. She wanted to explain everything and preferred her house over the school cafeteria where she originally told us.

"I didn't know how you guys would react and I wanted to be sure about this." Madi explains.

"Madi, it's okay to be confused. We will always support your decisions. Even if you change it thirty times a week." I reassure her.

"Thanks and I'm glad but I'm really sure about this. I really like Athena." Madi was smiling and it made me happy to see her happy. I could care less what my friends were sexually attracted to as long as they are happy. I wish everyone could realize that love was always better than hate, no matter what your beliefs may be. Loving someone of the same gender would always be better than hating someone because of who they are.

"I'm just confused. I can see not telling Kayla and Addy, because well they are loud mouths." Hannah says sticking her tongues out at us. "But me? We are like the best of buds. Two peas in a pod. Must I go on?" We knew Hannah was joking but I was scared that Madi might actually begin to feel guilty. And well I was beginning to feel guilty myself.

"Hannah shutup and let her be. She didn't tell us in the beginning so what? We are best friends but best friends don't have to tell each other everything, well not at first anyway." Addy says and my guilt goes away a little bit. Kyle and I have been texting everyday since we 'talked' and we've seen each other at school but we haven't hung out again unfortunately. He's been really sweet and unlike what I would have expected from him. I wanted to talk to them about it so bad but I didn't want them to get their hopes up about our relationship.

"Speaking of not telling their friends things, you never told us how your talk went with Kyle." Madi says nudging my shoulder. She was the last person I expected to be asking me about this.

"Good. We agreed being friends was the best thing for us. No unnecessary hate." I lie straight through my teeth. It hurt lying to them it really did.

"She's in love" Hannah sings and Addy and Madi laugh.

"Maybe not in love but maybe I do have a tiny crush on Kyle, nothing to get excited about though." I finally let a bit of the truth out and Addy dramatically falls down holding her heart.

"I'm so glad you are starting to admit Kayla. Now I just have to wait on you guys to kiss and then it will all be over and you will be getting married." Addy says with a 'I'm so right' look on her face. If only she knew.

We ended up watching a couple movies to finish off our girls night and everyone, except me, was  passed out before the third one was over. Girls nights are my favorite nights by far. Nothing beats heartfelt conversations with friends that you know have your back through thick and thin. Friendship meant a lot to me and I'm beyond thankful for my best friends and how great of friends we are to each other. I see way too many 'friendships' these days that consist of two or more girls who treat each other horribly and call each other best friends. That is not friendship.

As I finally was drifting of to sleep I heard my phone buzz.

Kyle Fucking Coldwater:
Sweet dreams. I miss you.

Who would have thought I'd be falling so hard?

.....................

a/n: We all did Kayla.