Waiting for Love

Monday

Monday, he held my hand for the first time. We were walking around the city. It was crowded. He said he needed to hold my hand since he was afraid of losing me in the crowd. On Monday mornings, fishermen come back from the sea. They usually spend the weekend there. On Mondays, there is a huge market in the city; they sell everything, almost everything, and mostly fish. The market would occupy the main street.

We wanted to watch a movie together. He does not like horror movies, he said. He preferred happy movies. He said that the world was already scary enough. I proposed the horror movie anyway. He said he would watch the horror movie with me; he said he would watch any movie with me.

When he touched my hand on that day, I blushed. I repeatedly told myself to calm down; I literally scolded myself for overreacting. He held my hand for a reason, the reason was to make sure that he does not lose me in the crowd. Why was it so difficult for me to understand that? Maybe I did not want to understand that.

I knew that we would turn right then. He would not need to hold my hand after that; there was no danger. The rest of the city would be nearly empty for every citizen would go to the market. No, I stand corrected; almost every citizen would go to the market.

I prepared myself. Why did I need to prepare myself? I knew that it should not bother me when he lets go of my hand. And yet I knew that it would. It should be fine and I knew in my heart that it would probably not be fine.

And it was not fine.

He still held my hand in his. There was no need for this; not that I wanted that to change. It was what I wanted, right? But why was I blushing? What was this feeling? I decided to ignore that. Spoiler alert: Bad decision!

He let go of my hand when he paid for the tickets. It was not fine, because I would have never expected that to happen. He did not hold my hand on our way back home. I was not upset. Maybe that was a lie. But this pain could never compete with what was to happen next. He talked about his first love and about how he would never stop loving them. He blushed a little. I did not ask any questions for I feared something inside me broke and asking further questions could increase the damage.

Monday left me broken.