As the days passed my now-contained frustration was birthed.
I am simply an observer.
I *should* be an observer.
I am not.
I am slated to observe the world for what it is, yet I have succumbed to my humanity. I have disturbed what is natural, and as such it is no longer.
As someone bestown with these eyes of an observer, I must not interfere. Is this not my role?
Allow me to clarify.
Bright and warm, it is a Saturday afternoon. Returning from the store. Stood at an intersection, my eye has been caught by someone recognized.
Who? Her name escapes me, but her beauty does not.
She is a peer of mine at school, a recently transferred peer, at that. It was only the day before we had been initially introduced.
Waiting on a shift in the light indication, we stood. It had felt as if the streets were not as crowded as they were. As a matter of fact, it felt spacious, almost secluded. There had only been two people there. Myself and her.
And on her I saw it. That foreboding presence. A flag rose. A tattered, black flag.
Death.
The light turns, and the crowd begins to separate. She at first does not move, fixated on putting away something of a small notebook. At present the screaming of brakes can be heard. Seemingly unnoticed, she took a step forward.
A car had been speeding down the intersection, and was attempting to stop. As it barrelled down the intersection, it spun out, flying directly into the path of the girl.
My mind went blank, and as if I had done it by second nature, my body moved. In what felt to be an instant continuing endlessly, I grabbed her by the back of her collared blouse and pulled her back.
When all was said and done, she looked back to me, eyes teary.
"Why? How?" Was what she said.
And this is where I find myself. Truly, why did I save her?
I am nothing more than an observer. I know when events are triggered, and I am to see them out.
I have begun to doubt myself, past, present, and future.
I shouldn't have saved her. I have seen it so many other times, death. Was I beaten by my own shallowness?
Was it sheer physical desire that acted at that time?
I keep asking myself the same question.
Why?
Why?!
*Why!?*
What had been calm thoughts are now raging against myself. I have upset the balance, disrupted order. the world is no longer natural.
I say this after collecting my misplaced emotions: Am I truly just an observer? What if my role this whole time was to intervene, rather than just watching?
Maybe it was as I had said.
"It's just too good a day to die."
