Cursed

14

"Nova don't" those were the last words I heard. My mother's soft voice was never as broken as this. I knew I'd never hear that voice again. Or see her face ever again. It was a goodbye I couldn't bear to complete.

I refused to have her witness the final chapter of her daughter's life. I know she was safe, as she was surrounded by what's left of her family. She would move on, the same way she did with every breath she took and every pain she suffered from.

I looked at him. The guy in front of me was just staring at me. He didn't move, he seemed to accept his faith. His eyes held no regret, no fear, no affection, no emotions. He was just empty.

It was as if to assure me that his soul already left his body, it was only a corpse I was looking at. One that I could dispose of.

It was ironic how the furious sky turned into a peaceful night, so beautiful as if expecting a tragedy. Was it the end of our love? A love that I denied for a while, one that came like a hurricane, and destroyed everything along the way.

But I guess that's not what matters.

Every event, every second, every word matters, because every small detail led to this exact moment. I looked him in the eyes and shot right in between. As much as I try to convince myself that I'm doing this to save my family, I realize that I am just doing it for my selfish needs.

Somehow, as hard as I try to escape it, death is always the answer. It's the end. It's not as bitter as I expected it to be, yet it gives me a taste of freedom. I guess I've been searching for that all along.

Freedom.

My father never liked that word, he saw it as an overrated expression.

And I can tell why.

In the end is any of us completely free?

Every action we make is due to the circumstances around it. Every move we take is in order to match a certain goal or an expectation or maybe just an objective. Even so, we are all connected and controlled by something.

Pulling that trigger was a decision I made, but it was never a free one. Even if I didn't, it would still be due to my sympathy.

I was never free.

But as I feel the life getting extracted of me, as my soul escapes my body, as darkness welcomes me, in its cold and empty embrace, I finally feel... free. 

__________

Needless to say, that's the end...