losing thea

Chapter 1

LOGAN POV

August 2018

We made it to UK for the big fight in 5 days. Jake and I rented a mansion and decided to settle in before heading out for dinner.

"Hey Logan," Chloe called out from the toilet. "could you help me get the shaver in my bag?"

"Yeah," I said and handed it to her.

Since she told me she was pregnant, we started hanging out with each other more often.

I liked to say I live life with no regrets, yet my biggest regret was letting Thea go. I miss her. I have no idea where she is or how to contact her. If she wants something, she gets it. She wants to disappear from the world and now, I don't even know which edge of the world she is at.

Watching her leave was hard, but I had to. I couldn't let her stay and watch her slowly break each time Chloe comes over or when she sees the articles of me and Chloe. Chloe and I made it official to the public. Although it was all publicity, we decided it was good for the baby as well.

Chloe walked out of the restroom, wearing a seductive dress.

"Like it?" she winked.

"Chloe, wear something that the Queen won't throw you into the dungeon for," I said and toss her a jacket.

She rolled her eyes and put the jacket on.

"You know a pregnant lady is extra horny but man, have you gone stall?"

I rolled my eyes.

I couldn't imagine being with her or anyone else. Just the thought of kissing her made my stomach shrink. Everything I held her hand in public, I thought how nice it would be to have Thea in my arms. Every night I go to bed, I turn to Thea's side of the bed and imagine how nice it was to fall asleep next to her and wake up with her in my arms.

The knock on the door distracted my thoughts.

"Bro, we are heading out," Jake called out.

"Be right there," I called back.

"Wait, I'm not ready," Chloe said.

"Then get ready. I'll wait downstairs," I said and shut the door behind me.

I got downstairs and saw Erika and Jake together, my heart swells. I could have that but I let it go. Damn, I'm fucked.

"Bro, you okay?" Mike asked when he saw me standing in the corner.

"Yeah," I said.

"Are you tired? Hungry?" he asked. "What you need bro?"

"No, Mike," I said. "but I do need you to keep quiet. My head hurt." And so does my heart.

"I'll get you some prescriptions then," he said and left.

"I didn't-" I let him go.

"Hey," Evan nudged me. "want to talk?"

"No, why?"

"You have been grumpy since-" he paused. "well since she left. It's not good to keep it all to yourself."

"Maybe it is. I'll punch harder in the ring," I said.

He gave me a side eye and I knew he was true.

"I miss her," I finally admitted it out loud.

"We all do," he said.

"No bro, I really miss her," I said.

"Then why let her go?"

"You know what is up with my life right now," I rest my forehead on my fist.

"Yeah but you're the Maverick. When people say go left, you go right. When your team and hers said this is the right thing to do, ask yourself what you want and what you feel right."

"I can't just abandon my child, Evan," I said.

"I'm not saying you should," he said.

"Then what are you saying, bro? Tell me what I should do because apparently whatever I do is wrong."

"I'm just saying love doesn't come with a rulebook. There is no right or wrong. You can still be with Thea and have a kid with Chloe."

"That would be so selfish of me. I can't keep hurting Thea," I said.

"And you are not hurting her now?"

"She left bro," I said.

"Yeah, probably found someone who will actually fight for her now," Tony interrupted.

I balled my hand into a fist. Just the thought of Thea in someone else's arms killed me.

"Don't go all angry at me, man, you sent her away," Tony added. "Man up."

"Tony," Jake warned.

"Have we really not found her yet?" Erika asked.

"If she doesn't want to be found, not even the FBI have a chance," Tony said.

"She is a smart girl, she will be alright," Jake said, patting my shoulder.

"Yeah but too blind to fall for you," Tony rolled his eyes and walked away.

"Ignore him, bro," Jake said.

"He is right. I hurt her and now we don't even know where she is. What if she is in trouble?" my heart started to race. I never had anxiety before but whenever I think of Thea alone in the world, I was a fizzing fire. I remember her face when I found her at John's place, how beat up she was and how helpless I felt for not being there. I feel the same way now but worst.

"She will be alright," Jake said. "We will find her soon. But bro, serious talk, brother to brother?"

"Yeah?" I look up at him.

"I don't want you to be unhappy. Be with someone you love, even if the whole world will be hating on you later, you know I've got your back. We can get through it together."

I slowly digest what he was saying.

The two weeks since Thea left, everyone scrambled around to find her. After a month and still no progress, we knew she didn't want to be found. But that didn't stop us, we didn't give up. Tony blames me for this, I know I do too. Erika and even Kylie were sad about her leaving. Mark and George tried to cheer me up or at least keep me from going crazy. Then there's Chloe, feeding me with her pregnancy results and all the things we have to do.

After two months, I was a walking empty shell. I was like an extra from the walking dead, just training, doing business, and showing up on camera. I felt nothing. I turn that switch off because if I didn't, I wouldn't know how to handle my emotions.

Evan noticed it first, then Mike, then Spencer, then the rest of them followed. They wanted to talk to me but a part of me knew they were afraid the beast would be let out.

Too bad, it beast is now weak. In time, the beast will die inside.