Romantically Hopeless

Chpt. 10 ~ Losing Myself

WARNING: The following chapter may be a touchy subject for certain readers. So, please read with caution.

Amber's P.O.V. ~ 

I have never felt so alone in my life. 

  Jake took me home from the hospital and I told him to go home. He did, he knew and respected my decision. I sat up against my front door for an hour after I got home. My pain was echoing in the silence of my now empty home. I had no dad to lean on, I had no siblings to lean on, I had no one besides myself now. 

I knew I was going to have to get a job, to put food on the table, of course. 

I knew I had to continue my education because I already had missed too much school. I was hoping to go and leave school tomorrow, under the radar. I wasn't only hoping but, now praying. 

Adaline and Luna on the other hand, had been blowing up my phones ever since I left. I finally decided to turn it off. 

I drifted to sleep. I didn't want to wake up. 

*the following morning* 

  I hear my alarm clock go off in the distant. I mentally groan. So, I pull myself out of bed and put on some sweats and a hoodie. I grab my stuff and decide to walk to school. I don't really want to put up with Luna and Adaline today, I love them, but I can't handle it. 

I make it to school finally and I see Luna and Adaline at the front entrance, talking. I sneak around to the parent car loop to enter the school. 

Every time I walk up those stairs in the parent loop, I always get so winded. 

I put my head down in the hallways and avoid to make eye contact. I feel their eyes staring right through me. It is a small town, word catches wind fast. With that, I head to my first period. 

I make my way around the corner and I see a familiar sparkle. It was the sparkle in Adaline's eyes, I immediately turned around and took a detour to first period. 

My classes were fairly easy, I just sat there and focused on my work to take the pain and put it somewhere else. 

*Bell rings*

I had to go to world history. I knew Samantha would fake it and pretend she cared, I know Nick will just look at me like I am a freak. As far as Jake, I don't know what to really expect. All I know is I just want to be alone.

I went straight to my desk, all the way at the back of the classroom, where I like it. I put my head down and try to block out all of the harsh whispers. 

People suck at whispering...

"I feel so bad for her." I hear Samantha try to 'whisper' 

  I look up and she was all over Jake, claiming how she feels bad and wishes she could do something. Jake makes eye contact with me. I look away, I feel his presence moving towards me. 

"listen." He says softly grabbing my arm. I pulled away.

"don't, please." my voice cracks trying to hold back tears. 

I picked up my books one by one and made my way out of the classroom. Whispers became too much. The stares are becoming too much. Just everything is becoming way too much. 

I feel like I am drowning, I am struggling to resurface. 

I run, literally, all the way home. I ran through my front door and slam it behind me. I let out a scream, I fell warm water traveling down my face, my tears. The anger, frustration, pain, and loneliness. I can't fucking handle it. 

The silence is my home wallows through me. My home, my bed, my room used to be my safe place. It no longer is. 

I take the medication as I sit in my bed, and chug water down with it. 

My eyes flutter shut...

I look around and it's pitch black, my feet are wet. The floor is covered in a small layer of cold water. I see a figure in the distance, I am not quite sure who it is. I walk towards the unknown person with caution. 

As I walk closer, from the back it looks like my mother. My heart drops, my heart rate picks up. 

"m-mom," I call out softly. The woman starts to turn around. It's her.

All the pain is gone, all I feel is happiness. I run with open arms to my mom and jump into hers. 

"Oh momma, I thought I had lost you forever," I start to sob

"no baby, I am here now." She cooes. "I am so sorry I left you, I am so sorry I put you in pain, my love. You deserve none of that." She pleads

"mom, no. Don't apologize. We are together now." I rush to say

"but dear, we aren't, I need you to fight." She says with pain in her voice. She gets up and leaves my grip. 

"Remember, I love you. Fight for me." She says as tears pour down her face. 

She disappears. 

I hear sirens. Why?

Jake's P.O.V. ~ 

 I hopped in my car and floor it to Amber's house. She wasn't answering her phone and it was scaring me. Amber doesn't and can't be alone. I get to her house and slam my car door shut behind me. I run up to her front door and try the handle. 

It's unlocked.

I hear muttering upstairs. I rush up the stairs and follow the muttering. I turn the hallway corner and I hear her mutter on the other side of the door. I try the handle it's locked. My heart started to rush, I started to panic. 

I put my shoulder down and aim for her door, I run towards it, it didn't budge. I try again, it moved a little and I see hope. I try one more time charging at the door and it busts down. I almost lost my balance when it went through. 

I saw pills scattered. I run up to Amber, who is sprawled out on her bed. 

"no, no, no Amber, please no," I check for a pulse. It's barely there. 

I dial 911 my hands are shaking. 

"Yes, I have someone who is overdosing." I rushed to the operator,

"209 Winding Mill Drive, hurry please," I basically screamed to the women on the other side of the line. 

*5 minutes later*

I hold her in my arms rocking her back and forth, telling her everything will be okay. 

I finally hear sirens.

Two hospital trips in less than a week.

~~~~~~~~~~~~

sorry, this one was kinda deep.

~KelseyWritings