Humesha | ✔️

Chapter 5

N A N D I N I

I wish I could alter my thoughts, and remove him out of them, because he hasn't left my mind for even a minute since I returned back from office. And it wasn't as if I could help it in anyway, because I couldn't even take my eyes off his picture for a minute.

His smile was the kind of eccentric drug that you once take, you wouldn't be able to leave ever. You'd just keep holding onto it for more and more and more  with no escape. His love was a chaos in my life full of stillness and I loved how every step I took towards him brought me two steps even farther from him.

Breaking me away from my thoughts, I felt a small tap on my shoulder as I turned the chair of my new room back to see my best friend frowning at me with his hands crossed across his shoulders. Pushing the picture in my hands away, I got up to stand in front of him with a cheeky smile.

"Are you worried about something?" His eyes softened as he asked me hesitant holding my shoulders, slowly making me sit on the bed and I couldn't help but smile at him. Even after losing everything, I still had Zubin with me and I was eternally grateful for that. He was the blessing in disguise for me.

"Haa-... actually no-.... just voh Manik-.... umm nothing!" I smiled pushing away the thoughts of him that kept making their way to me like a spider to its web but no matter what, I wasn't troubling him with my same old Manik thoughts.

"Nandini!" He sighed as he leaned down below my knees, taking my hands in his as he brushed a lose hair strands behind my ear. "Look, I don't know Manik aur tumhaara kya connection hai, why did he do all that and everything, but I don't want you to keep sticking to his thoughts always. You have a life too, a life that comes beyond Manik Malhotra!" He said softly and I took a deep breath, knowing where this conversation is leading us.

"But my life has got connected with him in a way that isn't detachable. And that's not because I love him, that's because just his presence gives me some peace that is unknown to myself. Just sitting besides him is like taking a sip of eternity, even the stars that I've hated all my life seem to be magical, just by his presence," I smiled weakly as if I was begging for him to give me oxygen to live when I all I was doing was asking him to allow me to love a man I don't seem to be able to unlove.

"I don't want to love him to ever get a future with him, to even picture myself with him. I love him like people love the stars, right from the distance, untouched and unfelt. I'd love him just like the dark things are supposed to be loved in secret, between the shadows and the soul. I'd love him without any expectations, without even hoping for him to return a little of the feelings I have for him," I whispered and I knew that even if I let another thought cross my mind about him not being mine ever, I'd start crying.

"But you have a life too, right? For how long will you be able to stay this way, with no love in your life?" He asked, concern written everywhere and I knew he was right but I wish I could explain him that I would be happy for a life time even with his hate. Arguing with him was like an abyss because he was right but I was too determined to give up.

"I don't want to ask a lot, all I want is a promise that you'd try. I have loved someone too, and I know how difficult life gets without love. There are times when you want someone by you and you realise you're alone and nothing hits worse than that. I've been through all the pain, and I never want you to have no one. So just a small promise? Please promise me you'd try to move on?" He asked slowly and my eyes snapped at him as my heart beat fast enough for me to hear it myself as I bit my lower lip. Moving on from Manik meant giving a chance to someone else, falling in love with someone else. I don't know about love, I can't even picture myself with anyone but Manik.