Secrets {Zianourry Zayn Centric}

~Chapter 1~

   "I drank to drown the pain, but it learned how to swim"
             -Frida Kahlo

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A million thoughts rushed through Zayn's head as he brought the shiny blade up to his skin. "I deserve this", he mumbled through his muffled sobs in a desperate attempt to make himself feel better about what he was doing. He knew it was wrong, but he had to punish himself in some way, and this was it.

     "Zayn! Hurry up we have to leave in five!" he heard Liam yell.

      Zayn quickly grabbed a towel, and applied pressure to his new cuts he made on his thigh and splashed his face with water. He then put a bandage over them and pulled on some sweats. If the boys found out what he did, they would go absolutely crazy, and he couldn't let that happen. After looking in the mirror to be sure it didn't look like he had been crying, he rushed downstairs to find the boys waiting on him.

      Guilt washed over Zayn as he quickly apologized for making them wait. A chorus of 'No problems' and 'It's fine' rang out, but Zayn couldn't convince himself that it was fine. They started out the door when Harry noticed that it was bothering Zayn.

      So he slung his arm around Zayn's shoulder, "Seriously, don't sweat it," he whispered, "It happens to the best of us," and Zayn couldn't help but relax into his shoulder.

      Unfortunately, the comfort didn't last long because they weren't allowed to show any signs of them being together outside because "You never know when paps are watching you." Zayn was forced to sit in the back along with Harry, Liam, and Niall because Louis called shotgun and Paul was driving. They sat in silence besides the radio playing and Zayn's thought drifted back to earlier.

       He knew he never should've resorted to cutting himself, but how else would he feel pain? He was too much of a wimp to burn himself, and starving himself would kill him. He didn't want to die because the boys would be devastated. He knew they loved him; he just couldn't understand why. To him, he was ugly and worthless; he felt as though he didn't deserve them, and they just said they loved him out of pity. He was so deep in his thoughts that he didn't hear the Niall telling him that they were at rehearsals. That is, until Niall screamed in his face.

      "Hellooo! Is anybody home?!" Zayn snapped out of his thoughts and mumbled a 'sorry' before getting out and jogging to catch up to the other boys.

        Niall grabbed Zayn's shoulder before Zayn caught up to the other boys and stopped him. "Hey, are you alright?" he questioned. Zayn flashed him one of his fake smiles before replying, "Of course, I'm fine."

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                                                                                                              Time Skip to rehearsals
     
       They were each taking turns practicing what they were supposed to do on stage for their upcoming concert, but Zayn couldn't focus. So when it was his turn, he blushed in embarassment before speaking just above a whisper, "Um, I forgot what I was supposed to do." The choreographer groaned, "Why must you make my life so hard?"

       Louis snickered before mocking his russian accent from behind the poor man, and all the boys were trying to hide their smiles but failing miserably.

      Zayn truly felt bad so he tried his hardest to get the choreography right, he really did, but it just wasn't enough. "You with the black hair, go to the other room, and come back when you are ready to try." To say that Zayn was embarrassed was an understatement. He could've stayed, and said that he was trying, but he didn't have the confidence for that.

      So he walked out solemnly as he tried to hold his tears in. 'Stop being such a baby,' he thought, but no matter what he told himself the tears kept flowing. He ran to the bathroom, trying to ignore the weird looks people were giving him.

       He ran into the bathroom stall, and then he let it all out. He cried until he couldn't cry anymore, and then he cried some more. He tried to calm down, but before he knew it, he was having a panic attack. He was too far gone to hear Liam pounding on the stall door. Finally, Liam sucked up his pride and crawled under the door in an attempt to console Zayn. He got him to follow his breathing patterns until his sobs were resolved to sniffles, and even when Zayn was done sniffling, Liam held him. Zayn just sat in his arms and enjoyed the embrace, but good things never last.

      "So Zayn, what just happened?"

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A/N

I hope you guys like the first chapter! Also, let me know if you guys have any ideas for the story, I'm open to all of them.