Hopeless and Broken

Chapter 4

Marcus's POV
Today was Friday, finally, it's almost the weekend. I woke up and rubbed my eyes. When I opened them I saw Lucas sitting in the chair in the corner of my room just watching me. "Uh hey?" I said confused. "Hey, you okay?" He asked. "Dude I just woke up, as of right now, I'm fine." I said with a chuckle. I got up to walk to my bathroom. He followed me. "Lucas I'm okay, really I am. I don't need a babysitter. I may be your 'little brother' and you might feel the need to look after me but you don't need to follow me around the house." I said. " I know. I'm sorry, it's just.... I feel like a terrible brother. I want to make it up to you. If that means holding your hand 24/7 I'll do it, if it means changing you in and out of clothes or being your personal servant for the month, I'll do it. I just need to know you're okay." He said solemnly. With that I hugged him and I went to the bathroom. I found my blade that's I've used for slashing and cutting myself and I quickly hid it in my hoodie pocket. I got ready and went upstairs to leave for school. Once I reached the door Lucas stopped me. "You didn't eat breakfast" He said. "I never do, I just walk to school." I replied. He gently dragged me over to the kitchen and put a bowl of cereal in front of me. "Lucas it's okay, I'll eat when I come home. I usually get back here by 10:30." I said. Knowing that I wouldn't eat Lucas picked up a spoonful of cereal and put it in my mouth. "You are going to eat whether you like it or not" he said. "You sound like mom," I said while putting another spoonful in my mouth. Suddenly I felt hungry, I felt like I was starving. I quickly devoured the cereal. "So you are hungry," he said. He handed me a granola bar. "You will eat this in the way to school. You need to eat." He said. I unwrapped it and began to eat it as we headed out the door. I saw Samantha waiting for Lucas in her car. "Ummm I'm going to walk with you today," he said. "No you're not Lucas. You've done a lot for me lately, so let me do something for you." I Said. I pushed him towards the car and made him get in. "See you later." I said as I started walking to school. As usual I turned in my assignments and left to go home. I didn't feel as sad today, I felt a lot lighter, emotionally, like an entire 50 pounds of negative emotion had been lifted off me. The people who usually bully me weren't there today so I got a bully-free walk home today. Today was going pretty well. I remembered I promised to meet Willow at the park today so I went. I saw her there, when she spotted me, a huge smile spread across her face. She ran over to me and hugged me. I told her about what happened yesterday and how my twin and I made up. She told me her own little story on how good her day was going so far. We ended up talking for like an hour and she said she needed to go but she'd text me. We said goodbye and since I was in a very rare good mood I went to go get some boba tea. I came back home and saw Lucas. "Uh what are you doing here," I asked. "I don't know, I just didn't feel like going to class today. It's Friday anyway, we don't do anything." He said. "Oo is that boba? Let me have some." He said excitedly while taking a small sip from my drink. "Well it's good to know you're eating a little more." He said. I nodded my head and went to my room. I sat down listening to music and Lucas came down to my room with a sandwich. "Lucas I'm not really hungry" I said. "Oh no this isn't for you it's for me," he said with a chuckle. I giggled. "Finally, I got a smile out of you." He said grinning. He laid back and patted the pillow next to him, motioning for me to do the same. I obeyed. He turned to face me so I did the same. I hugged my pillow. "Is this what you do every time you come home?" He asked. "Yeah, but usually I don't eat anything" I said. He nodded. "Hey Marcus. You've been wearing that same hoodie for like the whole week, don't you want to wash it?" He said. "Uhh I will, later" I said. "Oh come on," he said tugging upwards on my hoodie to pull it off me. If he manages to pull it off me he might notice my scars. That's definitely something I'm not ready to explain to him yet.i got under my covers and made them go up to my neck. I allowed him to take off my hoodie and he threw it into my laundry basket. He laid back down on my bed again. " Is there anything else I should know, about. You know, your de.." he stopped there. "Depression? It's not a bad word Lucas, it's just a part of life some people have to deal with. There is but I don't think I'm ready to tell you yet." I Said. "But I'm your twin. We tell each other everything." He said with a pouty face. "I'm scared to tell you Lucas, I promise if you don't figure it out before I tell you then I will tell you. I'm just not ready yet." I said. "Wait are you gay?" He asked. "No, it's not like that. It's something physically wrong with me, that I've done." I Said. Lucas gently lowered the covers and I completely forgot what I was trying to hide. He pulled them down a little more and he gasped. He gently took my arms and traced my scars with his fingers. "Shit" " Marcus, what the hell are these." He asked. "Scars. They're scars Lucas." I said sadly. "Who did this to you?" He asked worriedly but at the same time angrily. " I did." I mumbled. "You did this? To yourself? Why?" He said changing his tone into a softer one. "That part of my depression I wasn't ready to tell you yet.... here it is." I said as I extended my arms. He looked at them with wise eyes. "You've been cutting yourself?" He asked sadly. "Yeah..." I replied quietly. He kissed my cheek and went to my shorts. He pulled up the leg of my shorts just a little and it revealed a bandage that was covering a deep gash I had gotten when my bullied stabbed me. "What about this?" He asked gently touching the bandage. I flinched a little and he quickly drew his hand back. "Sorry" He said. "I didn't do that one" I said. He looked up at me from his squatting position. He carefully removed the bandage and saw the gash that was on my thigh. "Oh my god! What the hell happened?" He asked as I limped over to the bathroom to get a new bandage. " I told you I've been getting bullied right?" I said. "Yeah you told me, but stabbing people in the leg isn't just bullying, isn't that considered abuse?" He said. I shrugged my shoulders. " So now you know." I said. I laid back on my bed and covered my face with my hands. He gently removed them from off my face. He was laying next to me. He looked at me with solemn eyes. He kissed my forehead and whispered on my ear "I'm never going to let any of this happen to you again." He lightly kissed my temple. I felt like I was drifting into a black hole. A black hole of sleepiness. Before I knew it I was fast asleep.