And that’s what they do. They go out and eat food and enjoy themselves. Adam was a little anxious but Austin takes his hand in his and it feels so similar to someone swirling a cup of water stopping and the water settles. It’s the only way Adam can think of it.
They go on more, here and there. Adam’s favourite is easily the one where they had planned to go out but rather cancelled and stayed in bed all night watch star wars. Adam doesn’t have to question which dates he prefers, he loves the ones where it’s just him and Austin, moments so like the collapsing stars, quick and violent in their beauty but so alike the oceans, spanning for miles and endless in the drowning splendour.
Time ceased with Austin; he has it at his fingertips and it is embedded in every vein in his body, controlling it effortlessly, slowing the clocks to bring them together like the sisters of fate had prophesized their belonging.
But Adam was never prophesized happiness.
It starts slowly, their dates waning and waning, and suddenly their moments are that of a drying river; slow, everything dragging with energy to get it working again. Adam didn’t say anything when Austin left him earlier, when he barely looked at him in practice and when he barely acknowledged him. It wasn’t his place to question his fate. He understood. Austin was too good for him.
None of it comes to light until a Thursday morning, summer rain heavy and glorious. Adam hated it, it already told him too much. His phone is ringing, and as much as he’d love to ignore it and rejoice in the rain that he adores, he knows.
He answers it. “Hi.”
“We have to talk.” He loathes how confident and smooth Austin’s voice is (he’d also hate it if it were weak and cracking though. Adam doesn’t know what he wants.)
“Okay. By that, I’m pretty sure you mean you have something to say and you want me to listen so go ahead.”
“I,” he pauses, and Adam despises the way his heart lurches up into his throat. “I don’t love you.”
Adam blinks. “Okay.” He ends the call without a second thought.
The hate that bubbled through his veins like magma through a volcano dissipates. He feels like he’s on anaesthetic. He settles back into bed and sleeps, lulled by the rainfall that almost felt like it was washing at his skin.
His sleep was dreamless; he knew if he did dream it would be of Austin and his timeless love, his timeless hands and gold-plated. He wasn’t real. Adam was sure he had just been dreaming all along, that he’d wake up and it would be another day the florists.
He wakes up but does nothing. He makes no effort to move, none to get out of bed and least of all no move to cease the thoughts in his head. If Adam could bring himself to, he’d imagine that it was like being the eye of a storm. Surrounded by nature’s violent need for balance but situated in peace. He feels numb. There is no peace and Adam is not loved.
Thinking of Austin saying he doesn’t love him does him no good, yet does him no wrong; it’s a disconnect from the memory almost like he had been told it from a friend.
He stays there in bed, for god knows how long. Or maybe he does know how long because his phone starts ringing about the time it usually would if her were late for work. He ignores it.
It’s still raining. He still can’t feel anything.
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Double update while I can but my next update might not be for a while.
Sorry about the angst. Please don't kill me.
Thank you for reading and if you enjoyed please vote/comment!
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Faith(less)
Fanfiction"Every story has a beginning, middle and end. Not necessarily in that order." - Jean-Luc Godard Sometimes you think your story has long since ended. Maybe its never even started. This is a story about a man who thinks his...
