coffee & cigarettes [j.v]

.008

I let my new found confidence and power calm my nerves as I waited for Jess to come outside to talk to me. Any nervousness I had I fuelled into anger towards her, knowing that it was easier to speak while angry than nervous. Being angry wasn't always a good coping mechanism, but right now I knew it was what I needed to be. 

I stood against a tree, getting frustrated that she wasn't here yet. She wants to fucking talk to me but is fifteen minutes late. What a joke. 

As if she could read my mind, she walked out of the cafeteria doors with her tray of food. I rolled my eyes, of course she went and got food first, because no one comes before Jess - I should have known better. She approached me slowly, giving me a small wave and a timid smile. Was Jess seriously scared of me? We weren't super close or anything but shit she knows me well enough to know I would never hurt her. 

"Hey Nic, wanna go sit on that bench over there?" She spoke quietly, which was rare for Jess. She loved being the centre of attention and always needed to be the loudest person in the room. Something was off. 

I nodded and followed her to the bench, not trusting her to walk behind me for some reason. I couldn't help but fear she had a motive to do something - even though I have never done anything wrong to her. The only kind of fucked up thing I've done was ditch her for Jerome, but it wasn't like she had no friends, I was her pity friend. We reached the bench and sat down, a large gap between us. 

"So. What do you want to talk about?" I spoke flatly, not wanting this to take any longer than needed. I wanted to know what she had to say for herself. I know I hadn't expressed to her what had pissed me off in her friendship, but she should know damn well what she has done. 

"Well Nic.. I'm worried about you." She spoke confidently, and I couldn't help but feel overly confused. Worried? Worried? About what? I cocked my brows at her to explain. She set down her tray of food next to her and took my hands in hers, making me unbelievably uncomfortable. What the hell was going on?

"You have ... really changed since that party, Nic and not in a good way." She began, looking me in the eye, rubbing small circles on my hand - nearly making me gag. Why was she acting like a mother?

"Look I don't know what happened that night, but something snapped. I mean, I know you always had that childish crush on Jerome, but like ... hanging out with him, Nic?" She spoke in a degrading tone, which started a fire in my belly. She's worried about me hanging out with Jerome? What the hell? 

"What do you mean by 'hanging out with him?' What? Is that really such a bad thing, that I have made a friend?" I asked in a snarky tone, completely baffled at how judgemental she was being. 

She rolled her eyes and shrugged. 

"Well Nic, you completely stopped talking to me and will only talk to him. I'm just worried he's forcing you to not talk to anyone else." I let out a loud laugh, which earned a shocked look from her. 

"If he wasn't letting me talk to anyone, why would I be here right now, Jess?" I asked, still laughing. I improvised a famous Jerome move - I stopped the laugh dead in its tracks and dropped my face to a scowl. 

"No , Jess. You shouldn't be worried about me. Jerome has shown me what a real friend is - he does not judge me for anything, actually thinks I am a strong person - because I am. I am not his pity friend." I inched closer to her so I was mere inches from her face. "How dare you make judgements on someone you do not know at all. You are weak, Jess. One of the weakest actually." I could feel her fear of me, and it only made me more feel more powerful. She was right, something snapped in me that night. Jerome just brought out the strength in my trauma.  I was a different person now. I wanted people to know who was in charge.

"The person you should worry about, dear Jess, is your little friend John." I grinned wildly, running a hand through her dark brown hair. "I'll let you in on a little secret, love. That fucker, nearly raped me, but why would you know that? All you cared about that night was getting railed in the backseat of a Honda Civic. And Jerome? The guy you're worried about me spending time with, well he saved me from getting raped. And I wouldn't be surprised if John has got something else coming to him." I gripped her hair tightly in a fist, causing her to squeal out in pain. I grinned at the noise, feeling my blood rush. I loved this feeling. 

"And if I were you, I'd keep that to yourself, alright doll?" I whispered into her ear, making her nod wildly, clearly terrified. I smiled at her and released her, simply waving my hand at her for her to scurry off - which she quickly did. 

I remained sat on the bench and smiled to myself. I really could get used to this power thing. For so long Jess held a power over me, because she was more popular, but not anymore. I dug through my purse and pulled out my cigarettes, no longer giving a fuck about who saw me. I lit it up and inhaled the nicotine, allowing my adrenaline to overtake me - this was the best I had felt in years!

I paid no attention to anyone around me and just lived in my bubble of power, I didn't even notice when someone sat next to me, until a hand was placed around my shoulder. With my adrenaline running I turned to the person ready to lay into him - only to find Jerome. When our eyes caught, he grinned wickedly. He gripped my shoulder and turned my body towards him, searching in my eyes. 

"You've got it doll, that look in your eye. You know your power now."