mystic wisdom rising

- - -

moritz found himself mesmerized by melchior's words. both written and spoken, he was just so eloquent, so endearing.

yet, melchior's words were so foreign...
so new, and so different from all moritz had ever known, thus making his words all the more scary,
and all the more frightening...

it was enlightening...an awakening of sorts, he supposed,to understand and recognize this burning desire to touch, to feel...and perhaps, to love?

melchior spoke with such confidence and such knowledge as he demonstrated this mature understanding of "sex" and "puberty, and  of all these scary terms that boggled moritz's mind.

did moritz understand?no, not yet.
he wished he did, yet he wished he didn't...
the dreams, the visions, they were still so frightening, and shook him to his very core.
the wanting and the desire made him feel ashamed
and embarrassed...
he didn't want to acknowledge the fact that he needed to touch himself, or that he needed others to touch him...he didn't want to come to terms with the fact that his body was aching for affection, or that he craved someone else's warmth...

it was just too much-
too much "sinful behavior" stemming from too much "sinful desire".
for it was just a lot for him handle...

moritz had school to worry about, as he ever consistently struggled to grasp the concepts being taught in class, and as he continued to lay on the verge of failure in his studies...

he didn't need the added anxiety, nor did he need any more room for failure...

yet, the world still seemed to come crashing down around him, as his body seemed to betray him with all this wanting that he never would've imagined in his wildest dreams...

he wished he had melchior's confidence, melchior's intelligence, melchior's calmness, his coolness...
he wished he had the strength that melchior always wielded.

but alas,
he was still just moritz.
he was still his normal, anxiety ridden self.
he was still so frightened of his body.
so afraid of all the changes...

deep in thought, moritz had suddenly gone silent, as he contemplated melchior's words in his mind, trying to incide the madness that was his body, and these new bizzarre desires...

"hey, are you ok?"
waving a hand in front of moritz's face, melchior tried to snap moritz out of his trance.

moritz's cheeks reddened,
as he was startled by melchior's words.
when he was stuck inside of his own mind, it felt as though the rest of the world didn't exist, and as though he were all alone...in absolute darkness, floating aimlessly through an abyss of all his worst fears.

he was thankful that melchior was there to pull him out of his mind, yet he was still embarrassed.

"ah- oh sorry melchi, I guess I just zoned out, and got a little lost..."
he frantically explained, nervously fidgeting with his hands.

melchior gave him a gentle smirk, abruptly taking moritz's hands in his, fondly shaking his head,

"hey, it's ok, absolutely nothing to be embarrassed about, alright?"

moritz stared at his own hands in melchior's, his cheeks flushed.

"I'm sorry melchi- it's just, it's just so much to handle... I mean these dreams- I feel as though they're consuming my life...this desire, it's-it's going to destroy me!"