Broken

Guilty

There comes a time where you have a challenge to face. A challenge where everything changes and becomes worse.

A challenge where your heart breaks into two and you don't know what to do with the two pieces.

They just crumble and don't get back together.

It's hard to go through what I did. It may seem not all that much but this..... I can't live with myself.

You come to find out someone wanted to kill themselves just because of me.

For my own doing.

But the only thing I did was break up with them.

I had no clue they actually loved me that much. They proposed to me but I just thought it was something that will happen later.

But that all changed when I got a message. It stated that he wanted to kill himself because of me.

But I have my reasons. One: I don't trust myself. I just don't. One day I can be with someone and then later..... I'm doing something I'm not suppose to be doing. Cheating.....

I just can't trust myself. I don't want to hurt the people I love. I already have.....

This is something I can't fix. Unless I change my attitude about going back out with him. But I just can't. I have already said my sorry's but they don't work.

We live in two different places. Two hours away and I don't see him. It's hard. 

Now..... I don't know what to do. I guess I live the way I need to be living. Not to be worrying about this.

But I can't stop worrying. I can't stop thinking if he will really kill himself. I don't want him to just because of me. I won't be able to live if that happened.

I just won't be me.

I found out that he actually bought the ring. I was speechless. I didn't know how to react. So I asked if I could see it.

He sold it.

So I can't see what it would have looked like. So..... this is it for us.

But feeling guilty for this..... sucks. I just don't know what to say when we speak. I want it be left alone.

But can I be fixed?

I sure can.

Just by the right person.....

The other thing is...... Who?