Romilly Taylor doesn't 'do' love. She's been burned before and has no intention of ever putting her heart on the line like that again. Keeping everyone at a safe distance, she figured, if she doesn't fall in love, she can't get hurt.
But then Franc...
Oops! This image does not follow our content guidelines. To continue publishing, please remove it or upload a different image.
"I've always had low self-esteem," Amanda divulges. She sounded young, maybe around my age, but there was a certain level of maturity in the way she spoke that gave her an air of gravitas. "When I was a teenager, I was teased for not being as pretty as all the other girls in my year at school. The girls were worse than the boys. I suppose, all girls have confidence issues and go after the weakest link. Anyway, they made fun of me and one day, I decided that I'd had enough."
Chelsea shared a look of horror with Francis, her eyes bugging out as she mouthed, 'song' at Francis. While Chelsea was too occupied with finding a way of getting Amanda off the phone, I leaned forward and listened to what she had to say.
"I started to watch makeup tutorials on YouTube, I began to dress differently, I forced myself to become someone that I wasn't just so I could fit in," Amanda continued. After a brief pause, she laughed bitterly to herself. "I always thought I needed to be popular with the girls and desired by the boys in order to feel validated. I took photos of myself for social media, getting a buzz out of the likes and the comments people would leave on my posts. Unless my pictures got hundreds of likes or comments, I didn't feel accomplished. Unless a man told me that I was beautiful, I felt worthless. That was until I met this guy."
Amanda goes on to share that the guy she met had made her feel like the most beautiful girl in the world. He didn't care about the social media posts- in fact, he hated seeing them, telling Amanda that the woman he fell in love with isn't the same person doing duckface in a selfie. He appreciated her for her mind, for her ability to keep him interested when he spoke, and the way she made him laugh, even if she didn't intend to. He complimented her instead of completing her.
"I just wanted you to know that I totally understand what you're saying," Amanda laughs. Suddenly, she stops. "I also wanted you to know that while you're happy being single, you could be happier with a man at your side, especially if he's the right one."
After Amanda's call, Chelsea spoke to more and more callers, discussing their relationships and their dating experience. Had they been on the hook with some guy or girl? Had they breadcrumbed anyone? Do they peacock?
All the while, I mulled over Amanda's parting comment: could I be happier with a man at my side?
Examining my time with Francis, I try to think back at any time when being with him could evidence an increase in my happiness. While I was happy sitting at home, watching a movie, had there been an instance when I'd been at home with Francis, watching a movie and it had been better because he'd been there? Had there been a time when having Francis at a party had made me feel more comfortable with other people? Was there any occasion when Francis' presence had made me feel safer simply for the fact that he was there?
If the answer to those questions were all 'yes' then why was I so adamant about not letting him be part of my life? Surely, if things are better because someone makes you feel both confident and secure, then you want to tie that person down and never let them leave. That's what any rational woman might do but am I really a rational woman?
I think, ordinarily, I am a very rational woman but perhaps in this instance, the opposite is true. Of course, I have my reasons why I'm against being in a relationship but that's my cross to bear and no one else's'.
"Yes, caller, you have a question for Romilly?" Chelsea's use of my name snaps me out of my daydream. "Go ahead, she's listening."
The caller- a man- bluntly asked, "If you're against being in a relationship, why are you stringing men along? It's women like you, leading us blokes on, that give decent girls a bad reputation."
"Bad reputation?" I snidely ask. "Oh, you think just because a woman likes to flirt that she must be easy, huh? That someone craving attention from the opposite sex must be desperate and therefore, gagging for it? I don't believe I am stringing anyone along, either, for that matter. I have always been upfront and honest about my expectations and it's not my fault if that's misinterpreted somewhere along the way."
The man scoffed patronisingly. "When a woman is full on with a guy, there's no misinterpreting that. She wants sex."
"Did the woman tell you she wants sex?" I challenge. "Or is that you assuming that's what she wants? If she tells you, fair enough. But if she doesn't, then you're making assumptions. It's like two plus two and you're getting an answer of nine million and three. Women don't give themselves a bad reputation. Men bestow it upon us."
Before the man could contradict me, Chelsea interrupted the conversation, thanked the caller for rining in and then went on to play a few adverts before lining up a Dua Lipa song to keep listeners entertained.
"You're not holding back tonight, are you, Romy?" She laughs. When I glare at her, she shrivels up slightly, her confidence waning under my stare. "Oh-kay," she elongates the syllables. "When we're back on the air, I think we ditch the callers for a while and you and I have a conversation. Hopefully, it'll lighten the mood."
