Having never truly felt pain before, Kris suppresses his feelings when Tao’s mouth continues to deny his humanity. It’s fine. Tao’s right after all. Kris isn’t human. He was made, not born. He was bought, not raised. Not loved. Tao purchased him from the boyfriend store because he was sick of pining over Byun Baekhyun but what was the point of that if he still pines while Kris waits in the corner of the room, mouth shut to refrain from vocalizing his desires.
He would never talk back to Tao or correct him. It’s not his place. If Tao wants to insist Kris doesn’t feel anything because he cannot taste anything, Kris will let him. Kris was created to make humans like Tao happy. He will keep Tao happy, even if it churns unfamiliar “emotions” in his core.
Emotion: an affective state of consciousness in which joy, sorrow, fear, hate, or the like, is experienced, as distinguished from cognitive and volitional states of consciousness.
Kris doesn’t know what joy, sorrow, or hate feel like, or does he? Does he hate Byun Baekhyun? No, he doesn’t think he does.
Byun Baekhyun is merely an inconvenience because of how much Tao is constantly bothered by the rejection of his advances, now doubled by the arrival of Chanyeol.
“He’s defective, isn’t he?” Tao asks.
“Yes,” Kris looks out of the window, face turned toward the sunset. “He does not have long to live. Byun Baekhyun is making a mistake by keeping him so close.”
“Why does Baixian ge need with a broken doll?”
Kris wishes he were broken enough to smile as Chanyeol does.
Despite his thoughts, his composure remains. “Perhaps he will live more than one hundred days. It remains to be seen.”
“I shouldn’t have put that brochure in his mailbox. What the hell was I thinking? I should’ve just confessed…”
There he goes again.
Kris’ internal computers urge him to keep his head steady, facing toward the window and away from Tao behind him. He obeys but a small part of his insides tightens with something akin to grief (or as close to grief as he will get) at the mention of that Byun Baekhyun. He doesn’t want to see Byun Baekhyun. He doesn’t want Tao to see Byun Baekhyun. He wishes Byun Baekhyun and his Chanyeol would just disappear and leave Kris alone with…Tao.
Kris isn’t human; he understands this. He doesn’t have blood or need to breathe, eat or sleep but he still chooses to imitate these actions because, maybe if he does…maybe he deludes himself into thinking he’s human, maybe Tao would also…maybe Tao will think he’s human too.
Kris likes to people watch. Every day, after Tao departs for school, Kris leaves his apartment and walks a few blocks down to the neighborhood park. The park is small and with only a few healthy trees but the children of the neighborhood love to frequent it after school and Kris enjoys watching them.
