Saving Us

I Need This

Jeydon's P.O.V
I open Tyler's message in it's entirety as I can feel my blood boiling inside of me.

Tyler: I didn't mean anything that happened. In fact, Kaycee doesn't actually like you. I told her to maybe think about saying yes so you wouldn't feel bad but I never imagined she would.

That's... the stupidest thing I've read in my life.

Me: Really? Is that your story? Am I really going to believe the person that broke her every chance he got?

It took a minute or two for him to begin typing, but eventually I got a response.

Tyler: Do you know anything that went on in our relationship? You might think you do but you don't even know the half of it! Don't bring anything about us up, that's not your place. Your place is away from her.

He reaaaaallllyyyy wants to get me going.

Me: You're right, your guys' relationship was probably worse than I'm even thinking. Thanks for the insight douchebag.

I blocked him right after I sent that message, I didn't even want to hear what he had to say. Kaycee is all I cared about, and that's how it's staying.

Kaycee's P.O.V
I continue texting Jeydon while he's on his bus like I always do, and after a while I finally get a text that he's walking to his grandparents house since that's where he always gets dropped off after school and his parents pick him up since where he lives is too far away from the school. Once he gets inside and gets settled me and him start calling, and I can't help but smile talking to him. He's been making me feel amazing, I can't think of another time I felt this happy. He sounded happy too which made my heart jump. Once his mom was there to pick him up and he had to get going to where he ACTUALLY lived, we hung up and I couldn't help but continue smiling even when the sound of his voice disappeared. I'm about to go downstairs to see what other food we have to eat for dinner when my older sister Liz meets me at the door of my room,
"Kaycee we can't keep living here."
Once she said that, part of me was shocked and part of me wasn't. Part of me wasn't out of plain common sense, our moms died, and they had adopted 12 kids including me, 9 of which were under 18. Liz, and 2 of my brothers were the only ones that weren't being separated and sent back into the foster system apparently.
"Did anyone come while I was upstairs?" I asked her.
"No, there's just a voicemail left on the machine. It's some lady that explained that all of us are getting separated except for me, anthony and Michael. Social services is going to come stop by tomorrow to get everything sorted out... but if I were you I would start packing. I'll tell Janet and them to aswell when they get home." She finally finished, it felt like that entire thing went on forever. After that she left and shut my door back up and I started crying before I did anything even. I didn't feel like I had the energy, but I had to. I don't know why things keep happening, I just don't. Even as spread out as they are, everything that happens keeps on hurting more and more.

I continue folding any clothes that are left and packing up my makeup and travel sized electronics while tears keep pouring down my face. My best friend who I've known since I was a baby passed away over a year ago, one of the women who raised me passed just in August, in December my first boyfriend who was then my current boyfriend committed suicide mostly because of me, now it's March 7th and my other mom died in a car accident because she was so devastated about her wife, my other mom and her blood alcohol level was .110. I've lived here since I was 6 years old, I barely remember much other than this house and leaving absolutely terrifies me.

I have a good few bags full of things, I feel like I'm done packing for now and plus not only that but I have yet to eat Dinner. While I'm eating I start texting Jeydon again, I don't know if I should tell him right away. He knows about both of my moms so maybe he just has that in his mind already as common sense... I don't know. Nonetheless I resume texting him almost like nothing's changed for now.

Me: I'm about to start eating even though all we have is pretty much microwavable rice it looks like....

Aaand that's actually true but hey it's still good.

Jeydon: where were you? I missed you and I was starting to get worried; you gave no warning you were leaving for that long

I feel confused all the way until I look at the timestamps....

I haven't texted Jeydon in over an hour and a half. Shit.

Me: I was just caught up doing something

Jeydon: doing what? Is everything ok?

I fucking hate this

Me: it's a lot

Jeydon: I mean I don't really mind so you can tell me

U G H H

Me: Social Services is coming tomorrow to relocate me and 8 of my brothers and sisters since we aren't 18 yet.

I send the text while I'm heating up my rice, feeling tears brim my eyes all over again thinking about it more.

Jeydon: Even Amy and Janet?

Part of me starts laughing,

Me: Yes Jey, even Amy and Janet. Amy is soon to be 18 though, so it won't be long for her... Janet's 9.

See during the summer of 2014, Me, Jeydon and Amy all were in a group chat and would talk and make one another laugh and it would always be so much fun. Jeydon always made memes out of her and she would always roast ME in return but it was whatever, it was fun.

Janet on the other hand, she's basically the devil. My moms adopted her when she was just 18 months old, and she was a sweet baby actually from what I remember. Once she turned two, she got into the infamous "terrible two" and never got out. Ugh. She just gave me headaches sometimes but I knew Jeydon found it amusing since he wasn't actually living it.

Me: I'm actually gonna take time to eat so I can get it over with and finish packing faster so I can talk to you sooner, is that okay by you?

Jeydon: Of course, I'll talk to you later babe 💙

A lot of me smiles reading that text, inside and outside. He always knows how to do that, always. I finish my rice and go upstairs, but there are all these thoughts in my head when I walk back in my room. Reality hits me again, as if it didn't before. Jeydon is always a good distraction and always has been... he can't be now. As sad and lost as I feel, I know I have to be fine. My 13-14 year old self's solution would be to hurt myself and get it over with for one second. I can't do that to myself and I can't do that to Jeydon. Especially since I had promised him back then that I would stop, and I did. I need something to calm me down, probably for the next week. At least. Maybe some Tylenol? That's a pain killer I don't know. I look in my bathroom's medicine cabinet and I go through a bunch of bottles, none of these look like they're what I need. Wait.

Xanax can help.

I grab the bottle and take out a few pills, my heart felt like it was absolutely RACING. I took them with a glass of water, and after about a half hour at most, felt almost completely better. That felt amazing. I really. Really need these,  I don't really think I'll survive the next few days especially without how much these pills help me. I take the whole bottle of Xanax and pack it along under my clothes so none of my siblings see it or that I took it, they don't really understand that or how my brain works at all. Liz seemed fine explaining all of that to me. Does she really understand? She's 18. Nobody understands anything that I feel, not even Jeydon sometimes.

I need this.