Imagine Deadpool as a doctor. . .
The patient on the table was covered in blood and missing one of his legs. The other was obviously broken. Muscle and bone poked through the skin. "Ew! What busted him up?" the doctor asked.
"Car accident," a nurse informed. "A rib punctured his lung. He's barely breathing."
The doctor nodded. "Okay. Prep for surgery, guys!" He approached the operating table and examined his patient, assessing the damage. "Yeah, nevermind. Let's just leave him."
"D-doctor?" the nurse spluttered.
"What? He looks like sh*t! The surgery probably won't be successful anyways! Why waste our time? Next person!"
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"What's wrong with my wife?" the man asked.
"She's a stuck up b*tch."
"What did you just say?"
The doctor stared at him for second. "Oh! You're wanting to know why she passed out!"
"Yes. That's why I'm here." The man pursed his lips. "Maybe you should stop sharing your personal opinions with your patients. Now, tell me what's wrong with my wife."
"I have no idea!"
"What?"
Deadpool laughed. "The tests didn't tell us anything! It's crazy, isn't it?"
The man stood up. "What are we going to do now?"
"Nothing."
"What?!"
"Next person!" The doctor strode out of the room.
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A woman sat at the bedside, crying. "You're sure that it's terminal?"
"Yes, ma'am," the nurse said gently. "The best we can do is make her comfortable."
"Well, we could put her out of her misery early," the doctor suggested.
The woman stared at him in horror. "This is my mother!"
"It's just a little bullet to the head! Your mom won't even feel a thing! Besides, she's gonna die anyways."
"Are you insane?! You can't just kill people!"
"Can. Have. Probably will again."
"Why?"
"Because I f***ing want to! You're so annoying!"
"I'm annoying? You're the one who's trying to murder my dying mother!"
Deadpool turned to his nurse, "Wow. She just doesn't shut up!"
"Are you even listening to - "
BANG! BANG!
The woman fell to the ground, dead. Behind her, the patient flatlined. Both women sported matching bullet holes in their skulls.
The nurse stared in shock. "Doctor! You just killed them!"
"She was annoying. Never stopped nagging! Nag, nag, nag!"
The nurse nervously followed him out of the room. "You're going to lose your license for sure."
"Worth it!"
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Catering to the Fandoms
FanfictionWhat would happen if Michael Scott started roasting the Disney Princesses? Could Papyrus outsmart a baby-proofing device? Would Deadpool be a good doctor? Basically, I've made a book to record all of my crazy short story ideas from my many fandoms...
