Patrick
May 7th
"Were you two a thing..?" Ashlee asks hesitantly.
I cough, "um...yeah. For a few weeks. Not long...but uh..."
She grabs my hand over the table, and I laugh nervously.
"Actually back in my freshman year and his sophomore, we were a thing...he said to never ever speak of it again when the kingdoms started. He was mad about his sexuality—he was bi. We never really got along, but goddamnit he was all I could ever think of. I'm sorry."
She smiles sadly, "don't be...it's okay."
"How, Uh," I sniffle and pull my hand away rubbing my eyes annoyed at myself, "how long were you two together?"
"A few months. He never really was...and no offense, but he wasn't ever really a good guy." She says.
I nod, "Yeah...he was just so...lost? I guess?"
"How long were you two together in your freshman year?"
"Officially or in general?"
"Both."
I think for a moment, trying to un-repress some memories. We really never did get along. He was horrible, but I can justify it and chalk it up to pressure. So much pressure...
He loved me, and I know that. He never stopped no matter how much he would fight it. We just acted like it never...happened...
"Officially like...two months? We never told anyone though...Frank Iero and Gerard Way, my two best friends," she nods, "still don't even know about it. But uh, we were together for awhile without saying it. Like the beginning of the school year into the summer...then he just lost it."
"I'm sorry, Patrick."
I smile a bit, "Ashlee, it's really okay."
She sighs, "Yeah...I just can't help but feel horrible."
I frown, "I know...everyone I think feels even a bit bad. He was important and you cared about him."
"Was the rumor true?"
"What rumor?"
"The one that you and him..."
Then it hit me.
"Oh yeah! That one. Well the rumor wasn't true for the time. We didn't do anything sexual around the time that was stated in the rumor. So, no. It wasn't."
She raises an eyebrow, "but you have?"
I chuckles nervously, and she's quick to speak.
"Oh I'm sorry, you don't have to answer that-"
"No we did," I hide my red face in my sleeve, "sorry."
She laughs and so do I.
"Wow." She says.
I snort, "Yeah."
She laughs loudly and I smile at her.
"I'm not surprised. He was a sexual guy." She says.
And I laugh louder too.
But this is bumming me out too. Saying 'was' instead of 'is' hurts.
"Believe me, I know."
———
"How'd it go?" Gerard asks as I hop in his car.
"Really...well. She's nice." I say.
"That's good." Frank smiles back at me.
I put my seatbelt on and we drive off to Gerard's house. Frank puts in Nirvana, but I don't fight it. 'Rape me' starts playing.
"Oh Jesus..." I mutter.
Frank chuckles, "hush."
I shrug.
Twenty minutes and a Starbucks stop for coffee later, we arrive at Gerard's house. It's a small one story house. It's cream colored with blue window shade, and a yellow front door. Horrible landscaping, and a sad swing in a tree.
"Alright, boys. We're home." Gerard unlocks the door.
We all scoot through the house to his room, but I stop along the way quickly to say hi to Mikey.
I knock on his door and I hear him scream: "GERARD I SWEAR TO FUCKING GOD I DONT WANT YOUR FUCKING DRAMATIC HARRY POTTER READING-"
"Mikey, it's me." I chuckle.
There's a pause, then the door opens and Mikey pulls me into a hug.
"Hey, Patrick...how're you doing, buddy?" He asks softly.
I hug his back, but he's a little taller so I'm on my tip toes. I sigh.
"Better than I was a few days ago."
He pats my back, "that's good."
I pull away and he smiles sadly, "you be alright, okay?"
He used to be so awkward.
He used to be so awkward.
He still it, but it seems he's matured so much. He's a freshman, but has the brilliance of someone beyond his years—a sweet kid. A dumb, awkward, emo, sweet kid.
"I will, Mikes, I promise." I look down.
He rubs my shoulder, "Okay."
"I'm gonna go up to Gee's room...you're welcome, you know that right?" I look up at him.
He snorts, "nah, Gerard wouldn't want me up there. But you go have fun. Be a kid, just don't do anything stupid."
I smile, then nod. I scramble off to Gerard's room, knocking on the door.
"Come in!" I hear Frank yell.
I open the door, Gerard on his phone and Frank strumming his guitar. I take a seat next to Frank on the floor.
"I forgot you have ten trillion instruments." I say.
Gerard laughs lightly, "Yeah, between Mikey and I there's a lot."
"I think everyone except Hayley plays an instrument in our friend group." Frank chuckles.
"Well Travie didn't either, but I guess he doesn't count anymore." I mutter.
"True."
Gerard tosses his phone on the bed and slumps down on the floor next to me so I'm in the middle. Frank starts playing 'Smells Like Teen Spirit.'
"Uh, I'm so sick of that riff." Gerard complains.
"I think everyone besides Frank is."
Gerard snorts, "Yeah."
I sigh, letting my head hit the wall behind me. Eyes closed and I'm thinking—what am I supposed to do now? I feel like all the teenage excitement is gone. Death happens, and now I guess it's like eighth grade again.
Just Gerard, Frank, and me.
Granted we have Hayley, Bob, Dallon, and Brendon. That's nice.
I heard Dallon and Brendon choose Tyler Joseph, Josh Dun, and Spencer Smith to be guards. I've also heard that the Hopeless Fountain Kingdom is steadying at around 90 people in the kingdom. It's small—meaning with both the Young Blood Kingdom and the Soul Punk Kingdom it won't be too hard to contain the rebels.
Frank starts playing a different tune, it's louder and quite fast paced. I see Gerard smirk, easily recognizing the sound. I do too now.
"Well if you wanted honesty that's all you had to say..." Gerard sings.
And everything else washes out of my head.
