11:11 make a wish | jjk

3 - pjm

"But I just don't understand why it's so wrong," Jungkook whines.

"Yes, you do. We have talked about this multiple times. You can't keep wishing things were different. What's done is done, okay? You have to learn to live with what happened. He doesn't hate you, Kook. I promise. He just isn't sure how to be around you."

Namjoon is almost frantic as he speaks, which surely isn't helping calm the younger down. His breaths can be heard from outside the door.

"But he knows. I told him everything. You should have seen his face, hyung. I just need him to forget."

"Wake up Jungkook! He isn't going anywhere. Jesus. You are acting like a child." Jungkook seemingly whimpers at the harshness in his voice. Namjoon, clearly frustrated, tries to steady himself. "I'm sorry, okay? But you have to start listening to us."

At this point, the volume of Jungkook's cries surpass his heavy breathing.

My heart starts to hurt as I listen to their conversation. I know that eavesdropping isn't the most noble pastime, but it was practically impossible to walk past Jungkook's room without hearing him in such distress. The truth is that I'm worried about him, too. Him and I have always been so close, and it's not like he meant for any of this to happen. He was being himself, for Christ's sake. I wish Jin and Namjoon understood that you can't make an emotional person see things rationally when they're like this. He needs someone to comfort him, not scold him.

I wish I could be that person for him. Literally. It hasn't even been five minutes since I was sitting on my bed, closing my eyes, and wishing that he could still see me as someone to confide in. He thinks that he can't face me but he's wrong. What he said doesn't matter, not to me. I mean, so fucking what? He's a person, he has feelings. He should have the right to reveal those feelings without being persecuted for it.

I am sure he thinks that I feel differently about him now. Like he has betrayed me somehow. But he hasn't. And I just need to tell him that. I need him to know that I am not the kind of friend that would abandon him just because of an awkward situation. If you knew all the details of what went down, you would probably expect me to avoid him. But he's my kookie. My best friend. I won't just give up on our entire relationship because he decided to be honest about his feelings. Especially because I know he never could have predicted things becoming so broken around the house.

I put my hand on the doorknob to his room. It's been a few minutes since Namjoon calmed down and I can't really hear what they're saying anymore. Hopefully Jungkook is in a less emotional state, then it should not be too difficult to get to talk to him alone. I want him to feel loved, and of course Namjoon loves Kook more than anything but he can also be very parental when he wants to be and I think the heartbroken boy has had enough of that for one week. 

Just as I'm about to twist the knob and open the door, I can feel a pair of arms slide around my waist. Strong and soft hands interlock themselves in front of me, pulling my body in close to the one behind me.

I freeze. Of all people, I really needed him not to be around right now.

A voice behind me whispers, "what are you doing?" 

It's a familiar voice. A kind one. It's the kind of voice that keeps you up at night and makes you wake up early. It's the kind of voice that begs you to trust in everything it says. It's the kind of voice that no one could blame you for falling in love with.

But it's exactly the voice that Jungkook does not need to hear.

I take my hand off of the door and let it rest on the arm around me. Even though I know that I need him to leave, because I could never let Jungkook see us like this, not now. I need him to leave because Jungkook needs me, and I'm failing him.

"Um, nothing." I respond, failing to come off as nonchalant. 

I lie.

"Want to get some lunch, then?" He asks me with such genuine interest. It is as if he's infinitly more concerned with me than the topic of his inquiry. He barely even eats lunch. Even though I would normally jump at the chance to spend every waking second with this boy behind me, things are different at the moment. And so It takes everything in me not to yell, Sorry but no. I would like to go and talk to my best friend who is currently crying in his room because he told the man he loves about his feelings only to find out that man has been fooling around with his best friend for months and so no I would not like to get some lunch! I'd much rather go into this room and convince this fragile boy that I don't blame him for being in love with my boyfriend.

I don't yell that, though. Even though I really want to. I don't even come close.

I don't say any of those things because despite wanting to tell Jungkook that I still need him as my best friend, I'm afraid that doing so will hurt the beautiful boy behind me.

And while I need jungkook, I really need Taehyung.

"Sure. Sushi?"