11:11 make a wish | jjk

14 - myg

editing/proofreading is for the weak (and also for quality authors) but I'm neither so here you go
________________________

I knew that Jungkook had a crush on Taehyung before any of the other members, maybe before the boy himself. I remember back during the Wings Tour, when Tae would go on for Stigma and the boys and I would silently prepare backstage for the songs that would follow.

Every night I would watch Jungkook during this time. I saw how his eyes would gloss over with admiration and affection solely at the sound of Taehyung's voice and I knew he was done for.

Our precious Kookie missed out on a lot as a teenager. He never got to explore dating in high school, he never had a first boyfriend or girlfriend, and so I felt for him knowing that he was seemingly so affected by Taehyung.

There is one night in particular that stands out. We were in Osaka and had just finished dinner with all of the members. Taehyung and Jimin had decided to go out for a drink, neglecting to invite Jungkook. I watched his demeanor change as he watched them leave the hotel room. He looked so innocent, purely disappointed with no hint of jealousy or malice in his eyes. I was sitting beside him and without even realizing it I had placed my hand on his thigh. My first instinct had been to comfort him and I can't say that it did a whole lot, but I'll never forget how nice it felt to be connected to him for only a minute. He didn't thank me or even acknowledge what I'd done, but he also didn't shove me away and I figured that was enough.

Sitting beside him in my studio, without any intention of doing so, I put my hand on Jungkook's thigh. I have made the bold decision to speak for Jungkook, telling a distraught Jimin that he doesn't need to worry about Jungkook being lovesick over his boyfriend any longer.

I steal a glance at the boy beside me and I'm surprised that he doesn't look timid or pained, which is typical for him when addressing the traumatic past couple months. Instead he looks strong, an attractive peacefulness in his eyes, which makes my hand tense ever so slightly against his leg.

Our conversation with Jimin becomes increasingly emotional, with the regretful boy in front of us breaking out into tears. I am probably a little bit too harsh on him, taking my anger over Taehyung's treatment of Jungkook out on Jimin. Kook is amazing, though. He's soft and kind with Jimin, forgiving him even though everyone would understand if he wasn't ready to. I watch intently as Jungkook leaves my side to go comfort his best friend, assuring him of the strength of their relationship. It's incredibly endearing, to see Jungkook being so mature and compassionate. He knows that whatever is going on with Taehyung can't outweigh the bright energy that the two emit when they're together. Part of me wishes that Jungkook and I could create an energy like that, too.

Despite getting extremely accusatory and aggressive with Jimin, I am thankful that he came to talk with Jungkook. I'd like to say that it's because I know that some closure and peace was desperately needed amongst the two younger boys, but in reality I just am glad that I didn't have to break the silence after spilling my heart out to the only boy I've ever been head over heels for.

For fuck's sake, could I be more soft at this point?

I watch Jungkook begin to brush a tear from Jimin's cheek after they finally seem to reach a consensus on returning to their joy-filled acquaintance. I know I just said that I was glad to have Jimin interrupt the previously eerie tension that clouded my studio, but I never got a response from Jungkook and I am afraid that the more time that passes the less likely Jungkook is to let me down easy.