Dead bonds

chapter two, Travis

It’s been three days since Alex and I met and I still haven’t gotten the courage to text him, what would I say, that I’m just not ready for human interaction at this point in my life? Lying on my couch, staring at the ceiling isn’t going to give me the answer, that’s for sure, I need to just go for it!

I pull out my phone with a swift motion to my coffee table. Only to stare at the picture of Ida and me at a concert of a band she forced me to go to that I keep as my lock screen, and slowly set the device back on my lap. My eyes squeezed shut as I thought about all of the possible outcomes of a new relationship, and quite frankly, none of them were good.

I was alone yet the silence was painful and sharp, almost what you would feel if someone told you that your friend had just died in a horrible accident. I needed to do something about it. I was going to go for a run, but why?! It was three in the afternoon when I made this decision, but for once I’m not going to be a complete shut-in.

I manage to get dressed without telling myself to stop and that it was a bad idea, that’s a start. I opened my door and was utterly shocked by how bright it is in the real world.

To me, the daytime is another world altogether and I honestly don’t remember the last time that I forced myself out of the house at this time of day, if I ever have, my family understood my fear, so even as a child, I was aloud to stay in and homeschool.

“Ah! I can do this,” I told myself as I stumbled cautiously out of the door on to the crumbled concrete that this building calls a parking lot. “But do I want to…? no.”

As soon as I started to run, I noticed that I was being pulled as if by a heavy wind. But there was no wind in the forecast today and something feels off about it, it was stale and cold and made me feel slow and unsteady. I start to get pulled so hard that I’m forced to slow down my steady speed, as not to be knocked over onto my face. What could it be?

I turn around to see if someone was playing a stupid prank on me, there was nothing but a few cars and the outline of the trees where there used to be leaves, not even that stores were open as far as I could tell, I was all alone. My instincts told me to turn around and escape the pounding in my head but I wouldn’t.

I continued to run and continued to feel as though I was dragging a stubborn toddler behind my back.

It wasn’t until about four that I concluded that it was time to turn back, the people on the sidewalk next to me were about a foot to close for comfort and I was beginning to getting quite worn out from dragging an invisible weight behind me for an hour.

It wasn’t until I turned around that I found out what was causing me so much trouble. It was one of the dancers from that night, running in and out of the legs of pedestrians like a dog looking for its owner. The sight angered and relieved me at the same time, at least I know what was causing me so much trouble, but why? And how am I supposed to stop it? It’s not like I can put a leash on the thing.

The black outline of the obscure figure was fuzzy and wrinkled like my mom's favorite sweater. It was skinny and long, almost like a snake, but it had control, control of itself. The thing was looking for something or someone. It was looking for Alex or for Alex’s shadow, to be more specific. As I ran home I could I could just feel it, I have to text him tonight.

I paced myself as I ran home to the cracked pavement that they call a parking lot and stood still without looking on the ground and breathed, trying to ignore the panging feeling in my heart.

I walked back inside the building and forced myself to politely smile at the attendant sitting at the front desk, I started to take my mind off my problems to think about alex, if I really want to text him, wouldn’t I have done it by now? What’s stopping me? I guess it was simple, I was never forced to interact with people and I’ve never really dated anyone before.

I stomp through the hallway, knowing that my shadow was right there, probably taunting me. I open my door, half way expecting to see my grandmother sitting on the couch ready to shame me for being such a wimp, thank god I was wrong.

There was nothing there. Except for my blairing phone. I jog over to it and cautiously put it to my ear, the voice was squeaky and familiar, it was my mother, with the daily ‘clean your room, take a shower, brush your teeth, stay safe’. I listened and sighed as she said goodnight and hung up. I wished with all of my heart that it was Alex, but no such luck.