Shattered Souls

Dark mornings and silhouettes

-Akarshana-

As I was walking home I had realised the powerful words that had slipped from beneath my mind and between my lips. I had been wrong to say that to him. I don't want to hurt my best friend.

Michael.

His name is so reassuring. His soft blonde hair teased to a point when it looks un brushed. He's my anti depressant, my usual ones don't seem to work very well...

It's all been wrong since she died. I thought it was all okay! She had a choice, I had a choice. To distract myself from more pain I slip a cigarette from its package and between my chapped lips. I was home now, safely in my living room. Well not exactly safe. Empty bottles and left over takeaways pile up the dimly lit room. I breath in the deadly plant, my lungs collapsing with bitter sweet smoke. Poising my lips, I breath out the feelings and emotions collected from deep inside me. I was alone. Everyone leaves me. But the worse part is I let them. I let her slip, I could have saved her. My mind is always spinning, endless puzzles of finding a way out.

It's my fault.

Vodka. Whiskey. Wine.

What a variety of choice.

I grab the nearest, not even caring about what was about to ruin me.

My cheeks are stained black, my 5th cigarette held between my middle and fore finger. I tilt back my head in disgrace. Ah yes the familiar burn of the poison biting the insides of my throat. The bottle that was half full at the start, is now empty. Empty like my heart. My whole body is numb, including my mind. I liked it like this. My throat is raw from the pain of the vodka that slipped down into my liver. The bottle then reminded me of her, empty and dead.

I'm ruining myself.

Why am I doing this? I throw the bottle against the wall, sobbing violently. It smashed into a thousand pieces. I felt as if I've hurt her again.

"IM SORRY!" I scream, using the last of the voice the demons had taken.

I've killed her, again. But I slowly started to realise the bottle very much resembles her. Even though I said sorry, she's still broken. Even if I tried to glue her together, she'd still have cracks. I was afraid of myself. What if I tried again? To be with her again. I was desperate now. I picked up my phone and called Michael. Oh shit it's 2:13am, he won't answer. I still had desperation inside of me that pushed me to just try.

It rang

"Akarshana!" He picked up.

"Micheal, I need you to come over. Like now"