35. Sincerely, I swear a lot now cuz why the fuck not

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Reny didn't come yesterday, I was too sick to talk to anyone and just lay unmoving in my bed the whole day.

My bones feel heavy, my head aches and I think I'm going to vomit every so often but I don't really have anything to vomit up.

Some people texted me from school and asked where I was, i said was sick. I don't want people sending me flowers with stupid cheap cards saying, 'get well soon'.

Send me a bible you fuckers because i need one more than I need your fake wishes. Was that offensive to God? Oh shit...

You know, I've been thinking a lot of this God idea and some part of me thinks it's a load of rubbish- utter nonsense. Then another part just wants to believe there's a bigger picture and a bigger thing that cares.

I don't know anything anymore. Really, I don't. I can't remember anything from school, food taste like nothing and Reny voice seems to surprise me every time I hear it.

You know he is quite handsome but I'm 'the school slut' yet, I'm so sick of that shit. I am not going to fancy him, you know why? Because I'm going to prove everyone wrong that I don't get it off with everything I see.

Anyways, I feel ugly. Scratch that, I am ugly. My hair is falling out a lot more. Getting injection again in two days.

I got the tests back. The cancer isn't responding. I didn't cry. I feel like I should but I just kinda of lay there. That's all I do now, lay around.

Reny brought me donuts today, I was too sick to eat them. He said he brought pink because my room was pink.

I had rolled my eyes.

He commented on never seeing my parents with me. I told him that sick people aren't that fun to talk to.

He said I was fun talking to.

I forced myself to eat that stupid fucking glazed donut just so that fucktard would smile. But, seriously, that guy has the most beautiful smile I've ever seen.

Sincerely,
I swear a lot now cuz why the fuck not

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Fun fact:
My mom had cancer. I watched her go through this, so hopefully it's quite realistic

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