NOBODY KNOWS || BIO 2

WHY TF IS MY FAMILY LIKE THIS

Okay so wowie this chapter is gonna be wild.

now last week I was in Florida for a bit visiting, as u prob don't know that I moved across America from Florida to New Jersey abt 2 weeks ago.

I was stayed by at my aunts house, and she's the most American person ever. She has two pet pigs, Zoey and Jasmine.

she got zoey first so she's basically the size of the house and a huge bitch. Jasmine is nicer, bc she's still a lil baby.

so there I am, just sitting on the couch watching Shadowhunters with my aunt, and all of a sudden Zoey jumps up and bites my inner thigh.

which rlly hurt btw.

I still have a red bite mark there, so someone will a dirty mind will definitely think smth else bit me.

;))

at my aunts house there was me, her, my uncle, my grandma, my other aunt, my stepmom, and my lil step sis.

the last 2 days I was there, my uncle came over and I think a few screws are loose in his head bc he's crazy af.

he's not rlly my uncle bc he's my mothers cousin but I've always just called him Uncle Bryan.

so I was sitting on the couch with my lil sis and he just comes over and sits on me.

I'm just like "uM"

he's like 6,4" so it was hard to get out but I finally won and I threw some Cheetos at him.

but sadly, he just caught them in his mouth.

after a while of staying at the house, me and my lil sis Jaiden decided that we wanted to go to the pool, so we walked over to the pool.

however, we forgot to bring he pool key - which lets us in the pool.

and we're both lazy af so we didn't wanna was back even though it's only a five minute walk, so the only option? jump the fence.

it wasn't a short fence either, it was abt 6 feet tall. and for someone that's 5'2", it's pretty hard to just get across.

we were wearing nothing but our bathing suits, so it was hella hard.

I've done a lot of stuff that would probably technically be considered trespassing and small felonies, so I've jumped fences and climbed shit since I was little.

but it wasn't so easy for 10 yr old Jaiden.

so I had to go back to the side with her and kinda just push her up.

omfg then after abt an hr she has to take a shit, so we get out of the pool, then remember that the bathroom is on the other side of the fence and we need a key for the bathroom.

I suggested the bushes but she wasn't willing.

so she called her mom (my step mom) to bring over the key.

after abt 2 minutes they came and she relieved herself. but then since me, my dad, stepmom, stepsis, and aunt were all in the car, they wanted to show us a house right near my aunts house.

IT WAS A FUCKIN MANSION MAN.

but it wasn't that easy getting in. there was nobody to let us in or anything since it wasn't up for sale yet, it was a brand new house.

so ya girl had to commit yet another felony, and climb through the window.

once I climbed through, I unlocked the door lock and let them in.

the mansion was so cool.

they're thinking of buying it so I'm praying they do bc the room that would be mine is sectioned off on the west wing of the house.

I had to break into a couple more "under construction" houses.

so they went to the office to get details abt it and stuff.

once they got everything, we went back to my aunts house and returned to my crazy uncle Bryan.

idk who she was, but there was a random woman there. I'm pretty sure that she was my aunts friend, but she wasn't there before.

so my uncle sees us coming into the house and points to the lady and is like, " KICK HER OUT"

and we're all just stunned, and when my aunt asks what she did, he crossed his arms like a lil kid and says, "SHE WOULDNT MAKE OUT WITH ME"

we all start laughing and he just huffs and goes to eat cream puffs.

everybody goes outside but me, my uncle Bryan, and the lady bc we're all still eating the homemade cream puffs.

somehow the convo turns to ghosts and the woman tells us how she always feels someone grab her ass when there's nobody there.

so my uncle just looks at her and is like "are u sure it isn't ur creepy coworker Hong Lee?"

and she's like "no, when Hong Lee does it, it's longer, this is more like a poke"

I'm just sitting there, almost choking on my cream puff out of laughter. Uncle Bryan and the woman just start spilling tea abt Hong.

so I have a whole bunch of juicy deets against him.

aND THEN.

my dad and my stepmom come in and my dad and they all start talking abt pornstars.

I'm just like wtf even happened?????

I'm still shook to the core till this day.

I committed abt 7 felonies, got a pig hickey, talked abt pornstars' salaries, and spilled all of some random creepy guys ass grabbing fetishes.

it was a very eventful day.