~One Direction Oneshots & Short Stories~BoyxBoys~

One Of These Days

What have I done. I don't know.

Prepare yourselves. (Ziam-Zayn centered)

_____________________________________________________________________________

He's straight. I'm gay.

It's just how this universe revolves.

All my life, I've been confused. Confused as to who I am. Confused as to who I want to become. Confused as to why girls never gave me that spark every other guy seemed to have. Why girls were just girls to me, while boys held something more special.

Throughout my high school years up to my freshman year of college, I was just very confused. Why hadn't I asked out a girl, why hadn't I even looked at a girl, why didn't I ever get aroused by a girl? Someday, it'll happen. You'll find her, and she'll find you.

It wasn't that I was conditioned against or opposed to the "homosexual lifestyle", in fact, it wasn't a problem in my household at all. I wasn't taught by my parents that this sort of feelings, or want is bad or abnormal, it had never been a topic of discussion or issue. My parents were both teachers, both proud liberals, both okay with whatever I wanted to be as long as I was still there little boy. I knew that.

I couldn't tell them though, because I didn't even know who I wanted to be. I simply thought I liked girls by default. Every other of my guy friends like them, my mom and dad liked each other, so surely I'll find feelings for one soon because that was what was expected of me, by me.

But in my senior year of high school, there was this guy named Liam. She's out there somewhere. He was on the wrestling team. One day, it'll finally happen. I ended up looking at him a lot. One of these days.

After I graduated high school, I ended up hanging out with this one girl. Perrie. She was my bestfriend. Just my other half. We went to prom together. We went to Six Flags together along with friends. We watched Game of Thrones on DVD at her house. All summer long. We went to college an hour away from each other. She went to a college an hour away from mine. I managed to visit her one weekend. After that, we dated for nearly three months. One of these days. But it just didn't feel right. We kissed, we had dinner dates, even had car sex. But I was combatting myself with every move.

I ended up breaking up with her over text message, which to this day is one of the greatest regrets of my life. We didn't talk for a year and a half.

The following fall, we were setting up for the first day of choir when he walked in. I remember looking up. I can't remember profoundly, but I think he was wearing a tight V-neck, either purple or blue. He had on light blue jeans and black boots He had one of the most astounding, statuesque bodies I had ever seen. Fit in all the right places, definition and appeal of someone straight form a movie.

And it was at that moment.

As you would expect, if you have any retrospect of life and how the universe works, he sits right in front of me.

And it was at that moment that I remember thinking:

Oh. Okay...Okay... THIS is what I like. Not girls. This.

~*~

It's the sort of thing that's best to find out about yourself before the end of college, right?

Right.

Still though, I didn't tell anyone about my newfound sexuality for a very long time.

My crush didn't start out hard and fast. I was still in the process of coming to terms with this huge revelation in my life. But gradually, I found myself more and more gravitated towards him whenever he was around. If he was hanging around, with nothing to do, I'd hang around and talk to him, even if I had somewhere to go. When he walked passed me, I'd brush my arm against his, just to feel the thrill of his touch. The way his eyes crinkle and his cheeks erect when he smiles or laughs lit my insides on fire.