noticed | dolan twins

thirty-eight

ethan

i felt bad telling serenity we couldn't talk, but i was tired. and tour was exhausting. she didn't understand that i had to care for myself too. i set my phone aside and laid down, closing my eyes to let sleep take over me. i was abruptly woken by the sound of a phone ringing, i turned and checked mine, but it turns out it was grays. i closed my eyes tighter hoping the annoying sound would stop. eventually it did and graysons voice rang through the hotel. i took a pillow covering my face. i couldn't help but overhear this conversation. i sat up to listen. i was confused. he wasn't talking. probably listening i assumed. i wondered who was talking, until he said her name. serenity. why had she called him? i heard him start to give her advice, and it finally hit me. the message i ignored. she wanted help, she was hurting. she was left to call grayson and i pushed her aside. i was so selfish. how could i let her slip away like this? i tugged at my hair as i realized everything gray was telling her was absolutely true. i didn't have time for the little things anymore, but i should. my own brother has the time to talk to my girlfriend but i don't. i had made a huge mistake. all the calls she ended because she was breaking down, i never took another minute to think of calling her back. it didn't make it any better that grayson was still in love with her. of course he didn't tell me or serenity, but it was so obvious when he would re-read old messages and look at old pictures at 4am. you can't tell me that he didn't ever think of the night they kissed under the stars.

i had to fix this, but i had no idea how to. its already inside her head that im too busy for her. she's broken and i cant even pick up the pieces. what was going to happen after tour? should i just end it and let her be happy? or was she just feeling alone? i didn't even know her own feelings, being too lost in my own. here i was living life in bright lights and screams of millions of fans while serenity lays on her bed and try not to cry herself sleep. yet i never noticed until now. she deserves better. but i cant leave her. after all this, after we fell in love. i have to do something. but i know she is thinking about the question, that will define the rest of us.

"is it worth it?"