Love Is A Bitch

No Need To Fight

Ryan was sitting on my kitchen counter, listening to me vent about Sarah.

"Look, maybe if you weren't around, things wouldn't be as messy, but they still wouldn't be good. She's distant, I don't care that she's distant, we never have sex, and it's just a mess honestly. I really don't know what to do. It's not like a high school girlfriend you can just break up with and have it be no big deal, she's my damn wife, Ryan." Ryan swirled the ice in his whiskey and swing his feet back and forth.

"I'm probably not the best person to give you advice about your marriage right now, Brendon." Ryan's comment made me laugh dryly. He was right, after all, I was cheating on my wife with him.

"Fuck it, I'll deal with it when she comes back."

"If she comes back." Ryan commented, finishing off his whiskey. I rolled my eyes.

"You aren't helping."

"Oh, was I supposed to be? I thought I was here for you to have hate sex with." Ryan put his glass in the sink and hopped off the counter. Ryan was spot on about my original plan, but that plan had changed.

"Oh no, I was thinking we could play Texas Hold Em." I said casually, tossing a pack of cards from the coffee table to Ryan. He caught the cards, but I could tell he was surprised by my statement. He didn't seem upset though.

"Get the chips out, I'll shuffle." Ryan said, sitting at the kitchen table and taking the cards out of the pack. I pulled the bag of chips out from the drawer under the wine fridge and sat across from him at the small, four person table. He shuffled again because I teased him about being a cheater at cards, and then we started the game.

I watched his hands as he dealt the cards for the second game. I always found jewelry attractive, and he'd picked up the habit of wearing several gold rings lately. I distracted myself from the thought of his hands on my skin by betting more money than I should have, and then proceeding to lose. I didn't really mind though, and I knew Ryan certainly didn't mind the money.

We moved to the studio after cards and played some of the guitars, joking around like old friends. We didn't talk about us as much as we talked about back when the band was together. We reminisced over the tours with Fall Out Boy, and how we'd basically pestered Pete until he signed us.

We didn't smoke, but we each had a beer and went back upstairs to watch a movie. We argued over what to watch briefly, and then decided on Sleepy Hollow. He rested his head on my shoulder, but he kept his hands to himself. I wish he didn't, but it was making it easier to keep my deal with Whitney.

We both fell asleep on the couch, but he fell asleep first, and he cuddled closer to me as he did so. Maybe not having sex with Ryan was a bad idea, because I could feel that knot in my stomach forming. I hadn't felt this type of knot in a good while. It was the type of knot you got from being nervous around your crush, or holding hands with your significant other for the first time. I couldn't allow myself to fall for Ryan again, or more than I already had. But I didn't move off the couch.