Masterpiece {h.s}

21. Anger & Guilt

Unedited because it's late and I'm lazy haha

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I knew this feeling all too well. It was one that I wished I would never live twice.
The first time I felt it, it almost broke me. It was when the doctors announced to my mom and I that Daisy had passed away. It felt as if the ground under my feet was collapsing and I was falling through a never-ending hole. My whole world was shattering around me and I was unable to move, unable to do anything to stop it from happening.

At the time, I was angry that I couldn't do anything to save her, I was sad that my sister who was also my best friend wasn't alive anymore and I was crushed because I knew that my mom would have a hard time dealing with this. I felt powerless because no matter what I did, nothing could change the fact that my life had changed for the worst. Even if I knew that it was inevitable, when it happened I was not ready for it.

All these feelings came crashing down on me the second I saw the flowers that Harry brought me. But there was something more; something that made these feelings hurt me even more than the first time.

Guilt.

I felt guilty and angry with myself because I had forgotten.

The whole week, I had forgotten about Daisy, I had forgotten that she wasn't here anymore. I was angry because I had done the one thing I had promised myself I would never do once I moved to New York. My mom had warned me when I told her my plans but I denied it, claiming that it was impossible for me to forget about Daisy. Yet here I was, suddenly remembering her after a whole week. I was disgusted with myself.

How could I forget about her? My sister, that had been in my every thoughts for the past months, had disappeared from my mind. How?
The answer stood right in front of me. Harry. He had made me forget about her, he had occupied all of my thoughts when she should've been. He took my mind somewhere it shouldn't have been and the more I thought about it, the angrier I got.

The proud smile that he wore when he first showed me the flowers he had brought me disappeared as he took in my expression.

"You don't like them?" He asked with sad eyes. My heart would've usually melted at this sight, but right now it didn't, anger was taking over every ounce of me.
"You got me Daisies." I said with a flat tone, enunciating every syllable as if I expected him to understand why I was so angry.

I tried as hard as I could to direct my anger towards myself and not Harry, but it was proven to be harder with every passing second. It seemed easier to blame someone else rather than myself.

"I remembered the necklace you wore the other day," he carefully said. Even if he clearly didn't know why I was acting this way, he could still see that I was getting angry at him. "I thought you liked daisies."

He brought his lips to a thin line, unsure of what to say next. Obviously he wasn't expecting my reaction and he was unsettled by it. Part of me felt so bad for him, because he was about to witness me losing my mind, but at this point I was too mad to care.

Angry tears started to fall from my eyes and I blinked a couple of times. I had so many emotions cursing through me, leaving me hopeless and desperate to find a way out of this situation. The void that I felt before meeting Harry had returned. I was back to feeling empty again and it hurt. I preferred to focus on my anger; at least it made me feel alive.

"Anna?" Harry asked cautiously. "Don't be mad, please."

He ran a shaky hand through his hair. He was confused and scared. It was understandable, I would've been too if I had been him.

"I don't understand," he admitted. "Why are you so mad? Make me understand."

He reached for my hand but I quickly pulled it away. Hurt flashed through his eyes and I tried ignoring the guilt I felt.