I'm no longer in love and the idea that I'm not in love anymore hurts more than when he first left. It's scary that I'm not in love anymore, it made me feel safe and needed. I was happy to love back. Loving someone isn't just the idea of cuddling, kissing, and fucking. It's about understanding and being open, having fun, doing or saying something stupid just to see them smile. Going over to their house unplanned just to say hello because you want to show how much you'll do when they say they miss you. Then its this feeling that plenty of other people can describe but I can't. It's not that I can't. It's that I won't. This love was too precious and I don't want to share that love quite yet, or will I ever? I hate that I'm so picky about who is going to be my next lover, not with looks but their humor and taste in music, and their desire to make my crooked tooth show. But it hurts no longer to feel that magical thing, I never understood when they said you felt drunk wail being sober, or that you're free falling wail you're standing still till I met you. And I don't feel drunk when I hear your name or that in feel free when in standing, I get drunk to numb that feeling that isn't loving and the idea to free fall makes me crawl to bed every night alone with only the one piece I have left of you. But then I decided I need to put it away because it's a part of you. I put it on the top shelf of my closet. Because I can't reach it, so when I want it ill give up. But when I need that part of you to get through the day I'll get it. And I'll feel you.. It hurts not being in love with you anymore. It hurts not being in love. It hurts.
