Fictional Dreams?

Namjoon's POV

The only thing I wanted to do was talk to her and see our child. I'm ready to be a man now and I wanted to show her that. Yelling at her didn't help. I just made her cry.

Jackson is taking my place as a father. I know he isn't doing it on purpose, but I'm just jealous.

I get the feeling he was having sex with Yn, but I can't be so sure that happened. She probably just got done taking a shower when Jackson happened to be shirtless. Ugh, who am I kidding? They probably did have sex.

There just so many things I miss about Yn. I miss the way she laughs. I miss the way she hugged me. I miss her body. I miss everything about her, even the way she ties her hair up.

I also missed Mijahn. When I saw her, she just reminded me of all the good times.

Yea, I didn't want to be a father, but seeing Jackson hold my daughter, changed my perspective.

When I try to talk to Yn, I always feel guilt inside me. I know what I did was terrible and I wish there was a way to do it all over again. I'd give up my career just to see my two girls.

I know this part isn't about Yn, but I've been going through a hard time right now. Fans have been telling that I should leave BTS. I'm not even good. I'm ugly. I'm not worthy to live............I'm not worthy enough for anyone.

I asked my mom if I could go back home and had said you brought this amongst yourself. She doesn't even want me to live with her. She'll only let me visit.

I don't know if Yn knows this, but I buy cups of coffee each day for the boys and I. I know I can't help her, but I always think she might need that $49. If the boys don't drink it, I drink it. I don't want to waste her work.

Yn doesn't even allow me to live in her house anymore. She won't even let me see our child. I miss living with her. I know she never noticed me when I came home because she was sleeping, but I just miss seeing her face. I could've lived a better life if I didn't have to see Mijahn again.

I'm just really sorry Yn. I apologize for what I did. I've learned my lesson. What I did was unforgivable and I get that. I still wonder if you still love me. I regret what I've done. I was selfish, self centered, greedy, stingy, hoggish, narrow minded, and an asshole.

Just please tell me that you still love me.....Yn.

A few hours later
_____________

I decided that I should see them again. I don't care if she hates me, I just want to show her that I still love her and I will.

I drove over to her house. I knocked on the door and Jackson was there with my baby.

Jackson- What can I do for you?

Namjoon- Can I come in?

Jackson- This isn't really my home and I don't think I'm a-

Namjoon- Please. It's the least you could do. I've been having a hard time at work and I can't even see my child or the woman I still love.

Jackson- Namjoon, Yn is still very upset after what you've done. She told me about it last night.

Namjoon- If I can't see Yn, then can I at least see my baby?

Jackson- Sure.

He lets me hold her. She looks so much like Yn.  All I wanted to do was protect her.

Yn- What are you doing with my child?

I knew she was mad, but she did it so sexy. I kissed her. I didn't care if she hated my guts.

Yn- Namjoon, I cant forgive you. I loved you and you took advantage of that. Please give me my child.

I gave her our child back.

Namjoon- Can I at least tell you how I feel?

Yn- Now?

Namjoon- I don't mind.

Yn- I don't want to be tricked into your words just to love you again and get hurt again.

Namjoon- You don't have to love me again. I'd be happy if you did, but I feel that you need to now my POV.

Yn- Text me what you have to say to Jackson.

Namjoon- Whatever it takes.

I basically texted Jackson my whole POV and I'm hoping she read it.

I got a call from Jackson, hoping it was Yn.

Yn- Namjoon, if you're truly sorry, then let me tell you that actions speak louder than words.

Namjoon- What do y-

Jackson ended the call.

What does she want me to do?