Don't Call Me Baby

8 | DOUBTS

After me and Arch finally separate from the most beautiful kiss in my life, I am so overwhelmed that I can hardly even breathe.

I can hear Archer trying to take in a breath, as well and I know that I have the same effect on him as he has on me.

I lean back onto my seat but frown when something pokes my lower back. How didn't I feel this earlier?

I grab it, still in the complete darkness and the noise of plastic wrap fills the silent night.

"What's that?" I ask, puzzled by the shape and size of this package.

Even before I've given it to Arch so he could tell me what it is, he starts laughing. Loudly. The echo is really strong inside the tunnel and I hear his pretty boyish laugh for a few more minutes.

"You still have no idea what it is?" He snorts and I put on an annoyed expression, although I know he can't really see it in the dark.

"Do you want a hint?"

"Sure." I say and pretend to be completely oblivious to the fact that I'm holding an opened condom package in my hands.

"Listen now, the hint is...Wrap your willy, don't be silly."

I burst out laughing.

After being satisfied with his joke, Archer finally starts the car and we head towards my house, back to the top of the hill.

"Why is it used though?" I ask with a smile on my face, after throwing it in a bin on our way home. Archer flashes me a wide grin.

"I used to be a wild one in my young days."

"You've had sex in a car, haven't you?"

"I've had sex pretty much everywhere, baby."

"Ew, gross."

"Why do you think so? Actually doing it in the car isn't-"

"I wasn't taking about this, I just really hate pet names. I cringe so hard every time a couple overuses a certain word, thinking it's romantic. It's not! Why does this thing even exist?"

"Wow, I never thought someone could be this cute while pulling a mom rant."

"Shut up." I scrunch up my nose as if I'm offended but my cheeks redden nonetheless.

"Okay, baby."

"If you call me this word once again, Archer Finn, I'm driving my own ass home." I fake threaten and Arch laughs at my pathetic attempt. When I stick my tongue out in display of what looks like is my childishness, he just shakes his head. Thankfully for both of us, contrary to everything else in his life, Archer takes driving seriousy and his eyes are always, always glued to the road, no matter if I tease him or not, he wouldn't risk our safety just because of me acting like a five-year-old.

This guy...this guy seriously brings every part of me to the table; he knows so much about me and has managed to crack open my cold shell which keeps everyone to the side and far away from me. What he gives me is something I never thought I'd get from him and that makes him all the better.

That's the thing about Archer Finn - he only seems to get better with every single day.

And this is worrying me, as much as I am enjoying it. Every time I look at him a bit more fondly, every time I laugh a little louder, every time I touch a little more boldly and I feel more and more scared.

Because with every second I spend next to this guy I find more of myself in my mom's and dad's story that she only told me yesterday.

How can a person shake my entire world and disrupt my ambitions, dreams and wishes, which have formed a system of their own?

How can Archer Finn have such an effect on me?

I used to never be so weak but this boy makes me weaker with every single moment.

I'm scared. Genuinely terrified.

And just like that, I let my anxiety get the best of me.

"Stop the car." I suddenly say and I grab Arch's attention.

"What? We're almost there. Hold on." He explains, while taking a sharp turn. I know this turn, it's only a five minute walk from home. I can get there on my own.

"I said stop the fucking car, Archer."

"Wow, Jesus, what's gotten into you?" Arch finally hits the brakes and we stop in the middle of the road with a long string of cars making their way towards us. In no time we'll be hearing the car horns of impatient parents, grandparents and teenagers going back home from a long day at work or a party. Depending on the age group it's a different reason, but all of us have those long days where time doesn't seem to move.

Now, as I'm in the car with Archer, I wish those six days before I leave would go by slowly, but I know they won't;
because boring and bad days last an eternity, while happy ones only last a moment.

And Arch makes me happy, so if I continue to be with him, I'll only end up breaking my own heart even worse than if I were to end things now.

"I think we should stop now." I admit, although it's hard for me to. "It was short and sweet, and I want to keep it that way. I want to have you as a good memory Arch and I'm scared that if we continue I'll get too attached to you and it will only harm us both. It will make me feel bad and I have no intentions of starting a new life with a broken heart."

"Birdie, I-"

"Don't call me birdie, because this birdie over here is about to fly away, across the country from you." I feel the tears already making their way to my eyes and filling in my throat, making it even harder for me to speak. "What are we even doing by starting a relationship now, Arch? Who will win this? Who will benefit from this?"

Archer meets my teary eyes with a stern expression. Just then the horns of the cars behind us start interupting our conversation, so I decide to make it quick. I have no time for explanations and I definitely should not be in a relationship right now.

Especially one that i know will destroy me emotionally.

"Bye, Archer. It was nice."

"What was nice, Jordan?" His voice suddenly becomes sharper and louder. "Huh? What was nice? Tell me!"

"It was nice to have you next to me." I manage to mumble, as i stumble out of the car. I didn't realize up until now that on top of having created traffic, there is rain pouring on top of our heads.

Goddamned convertible!

"Really? Is that all I deserve, Jordan? You don't even have the guts to tell me 'I love you' yet you say that your problem is this relationship. No, Jordan, the problem is you." My tears start pouring and I grab my soaking wet blanked from the back of the car.

I throw it over my shoulders because it used to always help when I was a child but it doesn't seem to help now. I just look like a pathetic human being covered in a blanket from their baby years in the middle of a road, at night.

"Good night, Jordan." Archer concludes and starts the car quickly and irresponsibly. Not like he normally would. Not like I know he would.

I walk the distance to my house in the dark, alone, only followed by the blanket that's being dragged on the ground.

My dress is a mess.

My hair is a mess.

My makeup is a mess.

But most importantly, my heart is a mess. And it hurts me the most.