You know I ranted about you? Now that i see that, that rant actually came true, how space seeped through and grew to a gap that separated me and you. We were tight, now it just feel as loose as a withered singular string on a once beautiful closed knitted pair of pinkies. Keeping secrets hidden, promises never broken nor fulfilled, but most importantly hope that everything would eventually be the same, like the old days. I saw this truth before it was true. A prophecy bound to be real. I ranted about it, not to you because you would ignore it or say it won't be true. Then what is happening, this is probably the final shove for that gap to topple me over the edge from the paradise I call you. Omega. Senpai. Heidi. Friend. Crush. Best friend. Soulmate. Partner. All these names are ones I've called you one time or another, they linger still and will forever. I keep my promises, I won't forget you, I will take you to peter piper pizza, I will drive you around on my motorcycle, I will see you again at least once before we turn 18. Trust me I will keep them, as you sit and read this mad for sad, or not caring at all. I'm sorry all the same, it's my fault this gap is here and why it grows. As you've said we just don't have that same gravitational pull. The ability to make and stare into our eyes full of happiness. To make the other cry tears of joy....now they are tears of regret and remembrance, that what I think at least for that what I see going through me as I sing this. Wishing I called and could have sang it but I didn't or wouldn't have since it wouldn't be sad as it is. It would be of joy and how things should have been or how they could have been. Maybe I've changed or you. All I know is how thin your patience for my bullshit is. How long the gap is. How awful I've been. How amazing you've been to take care of me when no one else could. Fixing all my problems when i didn't even ask. Staying firm when I pushed against you. Being that shoulder I could cry into. I was and still am that shattered Chris you knew, yet crazily loved. Those feeling may not exist but are fossilized for ever in some place among our deepest crevice of our mines. I'm sorry if you've read this and cried, it's just another time amongst the file cabinets filled with file i times I've made you cried while you have a blank slate of nothin but positiveness and helping me. I can't say how much I appreciate you. I can't show it either....not because I don't wan to. Just simply as I don't know how to. I'm either cold and isolated or exploded and shattered. Goodnight and hopefully talk to you next time. I'll never truly be in touch with you until I see your smile and that sparkle in your eyes that make me crack up in joy and cry tears of joy. A face I won't forget, carved into my mind, hell even the thought made me cry. A truly remarkable feat but nothing special for someone like you. Thank you and as I've said, talk to you next time.
