(Some are written in first person like this one)
Im not sure as to who's story this is but It's definetly a true one :)
Today it is difficult for me to truly recall how I felt before my years of struggling with depression, anxiety, and an eating disorder. I believe, however, that as life goes on you must always work to cope with depression, anxiety, and disordered eating behaviors. I do not feel that these mental illnesses are something that can be cured; I believe you can become stronger and more self-aware, which helps to deal with personal issues on a daily basis. Through therapy, your support systems, and sometimes medication, you can learn ways on how to cope. I do not look at this belief as discouraging because everything that I have struggled through and have learned has made me a better, stronger, more self-confident, courageous person. My struggles with depression, anxiety, and an eating disorder has been, by far, the most knowledge gaining experience in my life.
As a child, I always wanted everything to go my way. I always wanted to be an adult, and I was extremely mature and responsible despite my young age. I always worried. I worried about my family, if my friends liked me enough, if I was smart enough, if I was wearing the "right" clothes, if I was going to be on time. I even worried that my brother would make me late to school in second grade!
My real struggles began as a sophomore in high school. I had lost weight while at camp over the summer. I was always at a normal weight for my age and height, but running around at camp and being outside made my weight drop. It was just a small seasonal fluctuation. When I returned home, I kept receiving compliments on my figure and my slight weight loss. This was a turning point, because after that summer, I began I downward spiral into the silent but brutal world of an eating disorder. I began fixating on my exercise routine and my restrictive diet. It consumed me completely. Throughout the two years that I suffered from an eating disorder, I lost all feeling. I do not remember much from that period of time, except the extreme anxiety if I missed a workout or if I ate something I wouldn't allow myself to eat. I was not in the real world. I was numb to everything outside of my controlling weight loss obsession. My day to day life was not filled with activities, friends, family events, or laughter, it was consumed by thoughts of when I should eat, what I should eat, how long I should exercise, calorie consumption, and how to lie to family and friends about why I was not eating. The real me disappeared and was covered up by this automated person. I began to withdraw from my social scene. I lost my concentration in school, despite the fact that I was an A student. I was completely disconnected from my body, my friends, and my self.
During the second year of my eating disorder, I began experiencing terrifying anxiety attacks. All of a sudden, my mood would drop drastically, and I felt that I was stuck physically and emotionally. The only way I am able to describe this feeling is as if I felt I needed to be doing something, anything, but I was inhibited by this extreme feeling of anxiety and being overwhelmed. I would pace around my room, shaking frantically and crying for an hour or more at a time. Not one pleasant thought made me the slightest bit happier. Sometimes, I would feel like I would want my life to end; I wanted to die. This is difficult for me to admit, because it scares me to think how anxious, alone, unhappy and depressed I really felt. With the anxiety attacks increasing gradually, I was trying desperate attempt to feel something and release my pain, all of my emotions, my thoughts, and my worries. I didn't want to die but I did want release from the prison of my mind and body.
