Loving Hopekook 2: New Beginnings

Chapter 11: Dancing in this world alone

Another week passed and we were in Berlin. I forgave Gem because she didn't even remember the night she spilled my secret. I avoided Jungkook, Laura and Chrystal. Eventually however, I had to face the music. I went over to his tour bus when I knew Chrystal and Laura had gone shopping. I knocked and waited for a response. When he opened the door he looked shocked to see me.

"Can we talk?" I asked in a small voice.

"Yeah we really should." He nods and opens the door wider. We take a seat at the table in the bus and sit across from each other. Not saying anything, just stating at the plastic table in front of us. I was begging for something to happen, anything that would get me out of this.

"So...did you hear what Gem yelled when she was drunk?" I ask finally.

"Yeah I did...and I have a lot of questions." Jungkook finally looks up and gives me eye contact.

"So...I need you to just hear me out for a bit...Okay?" I look to him for reassurance that I can continue.

"Yeah. Let's hear it." He nods.

"A few days before we had our big fight I had been feeling really sick and I knew myself. The way I was feeling wasn't anything I had felt before. I was in the drug store picking up some antibiotics for nausea thinking I was sick or something...but then I passed the aisle that had pregnancy tests on display...absentmindedly I grabbed one. That night I took the test...when I saw the pink plus sign, I panicked. I threw away the box and hid the test in my purse. You hadn't even had your 21st birthday. You weren't ready to be a dad. I planned on telling you, believe me I wanted to do badly. But when we had our fight I was so hurt that you seemed like you didn't want a future with me. So I was fine when you left...for about one minute. I began to realize that I was pregnant and completely alone. Laura and Hobi were supposed to go back to Korea later that week and I was going to be alone with my parents to take care of. Two months after we had broken up and Laura and Hobi had returned to LA for a bit I decided I could raise a baby by myself. But I hadn't told Laura or anyone else yet. That's when...when I miscarried...and then Josh kidnapped me two days later." I explain. Jungkook closes his eyes and puts his head in his hands, leaning on the table.

"I'm so sorry." I say as tears begin to form in my eyes. Jungkook stays quiet. "Please say something." I press my lips together into a thin line as tears roll down my face once more.

"I...I don't even know what to say." He says softly.

"We had a baby and then we didn't. We had a relationship and then we didn't. That's kind of how I see it." I shrug.

"I can't even comprehend this." He takes his hands away from his face to reveal blood shot eyes and a tear stained face.

"...I have no clue what to say next....I'm just so sorry." I shake my head.

"For what? For not telling me?" Jungkook sighs.

"For everything. For not telling you, for not taking you back..." I cover my mouth.

"No no no do not start this now. No. You can't do that. That's not fair!" He gets up abruptly.

"Okay I shouldn't have said that!" I put my hands up.

"What did you hope to gain from this?! After a year you tell me now?! When I'm happy?!" He raises his voice.

"Maybe I shouldn't have." I shake my head.

"You should told me....THE MINUTE YOU KNEW YOU WERE PREGNANT!" Jungkook hollers.

"You should've told me you didn't want a future with me!" I accuse.

"That was never true! That was never EVER true!" He points and yells.

"Then why'd you walk away?" I lower my voice.

".....I don't know..." he puts his arms up and lets them fall to his sides.

"You don't know?....see that's why things worked out the way they did. You weren't mature enough for us let alone a baby." I shake my head.

"Let me decide what I'm mature enough for! I would've....I would've been an amazing dad." Jungkook begins to lose energy.

"You're right....you would have..." I say quietly. Jungkook leans on a wall of the bus and begins to sob quietly. "And I'm sorry you were deprived of that...I wish there was something I could've done." I start to cry all over again.

"It's not your fault." He sniffles and pushes away from the wall.

"How could I feel like it wasn't?..." I wipe away tears.

"I can't imagine the pain...you didn't tell anyone." Jungkook walks towards me.

"I was going to tell you...I was...before he took me I was..." I shake my head. He pulls me into a hug. For the first time in a year we make contact....and it hurts. It physically hurts to be in his arms again. To feel like he cared again. "If I could go back and do things differently I would." I sob into his chest.

"I would too." He puts his chin on my head and holds me close. I pull away and wipe my eyes and look up at him. We stare into each other's eyes before our lips go crashing into each other. I feel heat rise in my face as we kiss passionately. This is what I had been missing for a year; his touch. I had missed him like I'd lost half of myself. I tried so hard to convince myself I was doing better without him but truth is, I was drowning without him. Chrystal, Nate, and everyone else slipped out of my mind as I let him run his hands all over me. I just wanted to be with him and I could tell he wanted to be with me too.