Mind Games (Season 1 - Ep. 2): His Toy for the Weekend

Part 1

"... to be purely and deeply controlled, where there are no thoughts, no emotions... only blankness... only release... the completeness of surrender... is a rare thing... do you dare to even go that deep?... because I dare you to try... dare you to *drop* and let the world fade away... letting the world fade away... I have control... I have taken control... by listening to this tape... you have chosen to surrender... and when I say the word surrender... your mind will relax completely... you will drop deeper and deeper... (the snap of fingers hits my ears)... you will surrender to me... you are dropping with each passing second... as you drop... you are almost empty... open and obedient... there is no need for thought... no need for an internal argument... follow me..."

The familiar voice in my head lulled me down into the deep comfortable state for the duration of the plane ride. Jacob had planned an extraordinary challenge for the weekend and parts of me welcomed it after several brutal months of work. This last business trip left me exhausted, frustrated and angry at the stupidity within my work environment but Jacob's voice promised me a moment to no longer think, to be and follow his lead.

It has always been hard to turn off my brain. As a successful educated woman, the constant demands and responsibilities of life leave me overwhelmed, unacknowledged and edgy. It takes over my mind until I become almost bitter at the required responsibilities I must shoulder, not out of desire to control, but out of necessity. Well, at least until I met Jacob, the one fateful day Justine forced me to go to some crazy erotic hypnosis meeting six months ago. It was the best thing that's ever happened.  

He gives me a place to be free. To refuse nothing because I know I am safe in his care. I am his fuck toy and in those moments, the brain is quiet. The mind squirrels go to sleep and all I can hear is the still calmness on the waters of his voice. There are no thoughts, there are not always real emotions but I can feel so fully. The internal exchange of creation and destruction of self in a never ending power play upon a stage I never knew existed. Where he leads, I will follow for I know he doesn't break his toys, but rather cherishes them, pushing them to grow stronger and experience things they would never do on their own.

"Obedience is as easy as your own breath... conscious thought slipping away on the air... obedience is like a blink... instinctual... open... natural... surrender... every part of your world is in my control... your thoughts... your body... your emotions... and even when I don't take away your thoughts in surrender... you desire to please me... suffering through the things I desire you to suffer... feeling the complete pleasure I give you... deeper and deeper... more empty... obedient... you may experience depths you've never seen before... as you go deeper and deeper... trusting my control over you... and I know you've been a good girl... and you have listened to this file multiple times... and each time it has taken you even deeper... and once again you go deeper than you've known before... preparing you to be obedient... trusting me... as you drop... and surrender... letting the emptiness surround you..."

My eyes are closed as I lean on the bulkhead of the plane. The world has faded away and the thoughts disappeared.

"In a moment... I will bring you back up and awake... but you will carry this relaxed calmness with you... knowing you are my toy... that I desire the commands I give you... as you surrender to me... When I count you up... you feel refreshed and open... if your are ready for sleep... then you will fall into a nice restful sleep... if you are starting your day... you will easily focus...

5... coming back up...

4... feeling calm and relaxed...

3... more and more aware...

2... accepting everything you've heard...

1... wide awake... welcome back beautiful."

I open my eyes and stretch the best I can in the cramped airplane seating. A rush of excitement and trepidation mixed with a good touch of fear. We haven't played deep or hard in several weeks, because of time and the projects at at both of our jobs.  But now there is a break and Jacob has taken full of advantage.   

The things he's described are filled with so many taboos. I'm unsure how to feel, but I trust him. Once again jump off the edge of the cliff, I know he's in control.