Demi Lovato Imagines

Don't Do This

*UNEDITED*

The cold air was hitting my face from every angle, blowing my hair into my eyes and forcing air into my mouth as I was trying to breathe out. I didn't bother tying my hair up, or even tucking it behind my ear. There wasn't time for that.

I kept telling myself to walk faster, but my legs felt like they were getting heavier the further I walked. The bridge was only a few feet away now and my hands were shaking at my sides. I wanted a reason to stop walking. A reason to turn back and go home... but there wasn't a reason to. That's why I decided to do it in the first place. There just wasn't a reason for me not to.

My chest felt heavy and my breath seemed to hitch in my throat every time I watched someone pass me. They would never know. They would never understand. Even if they did, they wouldn't care. My whole body was aching for me to go faster. Get it over with, but I just couldn't do it.

I finally reached the bridge, slowing down my steps as I looked at the people around me. Most people were driving. Not many people walked down this bridge in particular, so it was a good place to get it done. That wasn't the only reason I chose it though. My main reasoning for choosing that very bridge was what I could see. Beneath the bridge, a very long way down, was water. Beautiful, dark blue water. Surrounding that was trees and grass. It was like a magic forest. Only, it was a magic forest I was never going to visit.

I reached midway on the bridge and decided that I'd done enough stalling. If I kept stalling, I would probably never get it over with and that couldn't happen. I needed to do this. It was important to me. I just needed everything to stop, and this was the only way. I waited until there wasn't anyone walking by and gripped the rails, swinging one of my legs over the top. That was the first step done.

I then gripped the railing harder, swinging my other leg over, so that I was completely sat on it. It seemed much more terrifying being so close to the the edge. I'd never been afraid of heights and I still wasn't. It wasn't the height that scared me; it was the fact that I didn't know what was going to happen when I reached the bottom. I was almost certain I was going to die and that was pretty frightening. It wasn't necessarily death that scared me; it was the unknown. The only reason we are scared of death is because we don't know what actually happens to us when we die.

The air seemed thin, yet wild. My hair was blowing all over the place, smacking against my eyes and lips. I didn't want to move it, though. I didn't want to let go of the rail. That seemed pretty stupid considering the situation, but I couldn't help it. The thing is, I didn't actually want to kill myself. I didn't actually want to die. I just wanted to escape my demons and be free. I was bored of everything. I felt like I didn't have any emotions anymore. I just felt empty... and I felt like this was the only option I had left.

It was like a battle inside my own body. My brain was telling me this was stupid. Reminding me that I would probably regret it as soon as my hands left the rail. However, my heart was telling me there was nothing left for me in this world. I had friends, sure. Family too. I just didn't believe they actually wanted me. I just felt as though they were too nice to tell me to leave. They always tell you to follow your heart.

I took one last deep breath, convincing myself that now was my time. It was time to just let go. Get it over with. I let those thoughts sink in and my grip slowly loosened on the railings. I couldn't do this anymore. Living was just too hard.

I was just about to completely let go, when I heard a car door shut somewhere behind me. It scared me a little and my grip quickly tightened. I turned my head, trying to find the source of this noise. There was a black car slightly to my right, behind me. There was a woman stood beside it, looking upset. She locked eyes with me for a second, but didn't say anything. I needed her to keep her distance. If she came closer, I would have to jump. I needed to do this.