Unspoken

Unexpected Idea Of Love

Its 6:14am. I dont know why i woke up but, i did. With my phone uncharged and lights still on, im barely underneath my sheets. Yea, your chapter.

Before you slid into my DM's i honestly was close to being good on my own. No lame ass boy i talked to from evening till morning. I filled up that space with sleep and i got healthy, my mind could breath easier. But then you showed up out of nowhere, and that has never been a bad thing. I dont regret talking to you, spending time with you or liking you. Im just this girl who needs assurance. Im prolly autistic af but, lets not put that label on my forehead.

I liked you. You can tell me different all you want. I would have never even dare to hurt you on purpose, I wouldnt tell someone I liked them while I actually didnt.

Im sorry i talked about my past too much. I hear it from everyone. Things were just so much better and i think i kinda got obsessed. But most of all, i miss the person I used to be. See the thing is, i never ever loved anyone as much as i loved him. And I truly thought that after a year of not seeing him, I was over him. At least, it felt that way.

But things got hard and I didnt saw a future for us any longer, still, i didnt think of him. I still liked you and I still was recovering from our ending.

He connected me and some shit happened to him and I didnt do anything else than what he would do for me; listening to him and being there for him. Then we decided to meet and now im speaking of a month after we ended. I got in the car with him. I looked at him after a year not seeing his face and thats when i realized I love him. Thats when I knew. And I guess i loved him while i liked you and i guess thats why i liked you but didnt go over to loving you. But i never lied.

And you can tell others all about how I am this slut who didnt love you and moved on after a month and thats no truth but, didnt you do something worse? After all, you dm'ed me 2 weeks after your girlfriend broke up with you. And you guys dated for 6 months! And then when we were seeing each other, you wanted it to be quiet and whenever i was in public with you you moved away 3 meters from me when you even thought you saw someone you know. At least I didnt kept things quiet. I knew when I saw my happiness. And hell no im not gonna apologize for my own happiness. So why do you make me look like the devil bc of the truth while you look like a saint bc of lots of sweet lies?

And if that wasnt enough. Trying to steal my friends, trying to make myself bad for ever losing you while all you do is giving me prove that it was the right thing to get the hell away from you. Making fun of that picture. Posting screenshots in you IG story. Why? Did you honestly think my friends would go away from that? Nah, guess you're the one seeing them as fake friends because if they were they would've been gone. I told them to be nice to you because beginning of the year I felt bad for you. Pushing me away from a friend we share just to prove something? And stalking me all over social media. Even stalking erik. I blocked you because you stalked me. If you get such a boner from seeing what im up to through social media, then hit the follow button or do something about the shame. I see you've been drinking I see you've been smoking but you tell yourself and others im the one feeling bad because of you? Thats also a lie to your collection. I know you hated this guy who is a part of ur pack. Now youre friends with him? The other two talk to me when youre not around. I know you said one of my friends was ugly now you in her house being unwanted. You think you got it all. While at the end of the day, im laying in his loved arms while you are jerking off alone in your room.